Discontinued: The Love & Hate Between Us
by xClarityx
Summary: Emotions run wild when Ichigo gets into an arguement with childhood friend Namie. It isn't until later that he realizes he's been blocking her out of his life for months, that is why she turned on him. IchixOC and slight RenjixOC
1. Prologue

Author's Note: Please be gentle with the reviews, this is hard for me to write since it's similar to my life.

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The Love & Hate between us

Prologue

Ichigo and I have been at each other throats for the last 45 minutes; I had forgotten how the whole argument started. But I know we used words neither of us ever used in the presence of the other.

"Ichigo it's different, I actually like him!" I yelled

"So what we had was nothing to you!" Ichigo yelled his voice louder than my own.

"Ichigo we never had anything for real!" I said trying to relax

I always had a tempered and it's been awhile since I lashed out on anyone. It was a miracle the neighbors hadn't called the police yet. I'm pretty sure they hear us yelling.

"You're such a fucking liar!" Ichigo yelled

"Shut your fucking mouth! I know you've been with Rukia for the last month!" I yelled

"Yeah because we are on duty! We aren't doing anything! I know you and your boyfriend have been fucking around!" Ichigo yelled

I felt like Ichigo just stabbed me in the heart. It wasn't right that Ichigo was putting me on the spot.

"See now I know that's the truth because you fucking kept your mouth shut! You're acting like such a whore! I hope you fucking enjoy fucking with your new boyfriend!" Ichigo yelled as he stormed out of my house slamming the door behind him.

Ichigo and were friends for years since my father died and my mother left me in the care of my rich aunt who took care of me until I told her I wanted to move to Karakura, she was emotional at first but she agreed. She paid for the amazing brick house out here in Karakura; she paid to get it fully furnished with stuff I liked. She sent me about 1,500 dollars every month, to buy food and other stuff food was never a problem, I always had money left over and a lot of it. She'd usually send more but I never paid attention to it.

So we've been friends for about 10 years, but we never really got into a fight this bad. I wanted to tell him what was wrong so badly but I couldn't sum up the courage to do so.

My 10th grade year was pretty good till I met my recent boyfriend, but he's caused so much damage to my life, I barely had time to spend with anyone.

But the only question on my mind is…_will Ichigo even listen to me anymore?_


	2. Chapter 1: Fall to the ground

**Author's Note:** With everything that has been going on I felt the need to write this so please be gentle about reviews. It's rated M for not only the language but for content in later chapters. It's romance so do except character relationships to grow and dissipate. Not only that but this takes place 4 months after Aizen's death and whatever else is going on in the main storyline in Bleach. I haven't watched it in months so I have no idea what's going on. Please do not tell me to watch it because I have lost complete and total interest in anime and Manga, it's very rare that I watch it. I will write Fan Fiction based on what I know about the anime or manga.

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_The Love & Hate between us_

Chapter 1: Fall to the ground

It's been about two weeks since the fight with Ichigo took place in my house, vacation was over and it was time to go back to school. I never wanted to go back but when I did I found out that Ichigo changed his homeroom, and classes just to get away from me. Orihime told me everything and told me she'd do everything in her power to get us back together. I told her it was okay, that I think I can deal with everything by myself. She was worried, it was written all over her face. She sat next to me, the same seat Ichigo would sit in when he was in my homeroom.

It was time for gym and that is where all the questions started to form. Orihime never left me alone, we arrived in the locker room and that's when she showed more concern then the last two hours.

"Namie, where'd all these bruises come from?" Orihime said looking at my back and my rib cage.

I had forgotten to put concealer on the bruises this morning since I was in such a rush. I tried to quickly put on the white t-shirt in my locker but I hurt myself in the process, the bruises were fresh, it happened about a day and a half ago.

"When did this happen?" Orihime questioned touching one of the bruises.

"About a day and a half ago." I answered truthfully

"Did Takashi do this?" Orihime studying my body carefully

I stood quite and tried to get dressed; Orihime stopped me and sat me down on the wooden bench in the locker room.

"How long has this been going on?" She asked

"About three months." I answered

"You never told anyone?" Orihime snapped

I shook my head and tied my hair back in a ponytail. Orihime sighed and sat next to me on the bench, she handed me my shirt. I put it on and looked at her.

"You never told Ichigo?" Orihime asked

"No, I kept trying to but he just seemed so involved with his own life. So I just didn't want to bother him." I answered putting on the shirt.

"Bother him? Namie, he lives to protect you and everyone else." Orihime explained

"Well it's over now; he hates me with every fiber of his being." I answered

"I can change his mind; it's not fair with what's going on. Uryu suspected something was going on but never told Ichigo." Orihime explained

Orihime has been going out with Uryu for almost three months, she's been really happy with him and I'm glad she's happy.

"Look, I'll talk to him. You guys have been friends for years, I'm pretty sure he has a soft spot for you." Orihime smiled putting her finger on the tip of my nose making me smile.

"I'll talk to Renji about protection from the guy. Renji is a freeloader but he's very nice." Orihime spoke of Renji which made me cringe.

"What? You don't want Renji to protect you? I see the way you gaze at his body when he is wearing a tang top. It's almost that same exact gaze you give Ichigo when he wears a tang top. You sure do have a thing for guys in tang tops." Orihime giggled

"Are you going to tell him?" I asked

"I'm not sure, I feel like if I tell him he'll take the matter into his own hands and if I don't he'll question every move I make." Orihime sighed and bit her bottom lip

I shrugged and felt kind of dizzy. My body felt weak.

"Hey Namie you okay?" Orihime asked

"Not really, the lack of sleep has really done a number on my body." I said adjusting myself to lean on my bag.

"I'll get the coach, just don't black out." Orihime said

Her footsteps faded away and so did my vision, eventually everything seemed to turn black.

"You didn't tell Kurosaki anything did you?" Takashi asked

"Why the hell would I tell Ichigo anything?" I snapped

"Watch your tone!" Takashi yelled smacking me across the face

I fell on top of my sofa and held my face, it was so warm and I think I tasted blood in my mouth.

"Namie, I'm sorry." Takashi said trying to get close to me

"Get the fuck out!" I yelled

Takashi grabbed his bag and left my house slamming the door behind him.

I woke up to a bright white light; I waited for my vision to adjust before I actually sat up. I blinked a few times and slowly sat up.

"What's going on?" I asked

"Namie, I'm glad you're okay." Orihime said as she hugged me

"What happened?" I asked since my first question was ignored.

"You blacked out in the locker room. I went to get the coach but you didn't hold on that long." Orihime answered

"Namie, you're pretty bruised up. Is there anything I should know about?" The nurse asked as she looked at me.

"No, just a few incidents. You know clumsy me." I said with a fake smile on my face hoping she'd buy the cheesy lie.

"If there is anything you want to talk about I'm here." The nurse said. "I'm just concerned because this has been happening quite a lot."

"I know, I'll try to be more careful." I said

"Namie, Renji is waiting outside so he can take you home." Orihime said softly as she helped me off the bed.

"When you get home make sure to ice the bruises, I know you must be in a ton of pain." The nurse said quietly as she gave me a piece of paper.

"I know, thank you." I said as Orihime walked me to the door.

"Renji, take her home please." Orihime told Renji

"Orihime I don't need to go home, I'm fine." I said with a fake smile

"I'm not dumb ya know, I know you're in pain. Go home, get some rest, and make sure you feel better." Orihime smiled before she whispered to Renji. "Make sure she gets home safe and if she tries to run tie her up and carry her home."

I was shocked that Orihime would resort to such extremes, but then again Orihime has always been protective of her friends.

"Come on Namie." Renji got down on the floor and motioned me to get on his back.

"You're kidding right?" I asked looking at him

"Nope, come on." Renji smiled

"But I'm pretty sure I'm heavy." I told Renji biting my thumb nail.

"Your light stuff, I know you are." Renji said

I got on his back, Renji slipped his my legs and held on to me tightly. "Hang on tight." Renji said as he started to walk out of the school building. The walk home was peaceful, we spoke about friends, and he kept my mind off of Takashi and all the pain.


	3. Chapter 2: The Pain is real

Author's Note: This chapter was hard to write so be careful with your reviews.

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_The Love & Hate between us_

Chapter 2: The pain is real

Renji laid me down on the sofa and put his hand on my head, checking if I have a fever.

"You're burning up; you want something to cool you down?" He asked

I shook my head, sat up, and quickly ran for the first floor bathroom, I locked the door behind me and stuck my head in the toilet throwing up whatever I ate this morning. I flushed the toilet and sat on the floor. My clenched stomach, the nauseated feeling went away for a few minutes and then came back with a full force impact. I started to throw up again, after everything I felt like crap. My head started to hurt slightly, but one cruel flashback came to mind, I shut my eyes tightly and started to cry.

"Namie! I'm gonna call Isshin if you don't answer me!" I heard Renji yell

"No!" I yelled through the pain

Renji was referring to Ichigo's father; I couldn't bring Isshin into this because he'll turn to Ichigo for answers. I don't want to ruin anything.

"I'm fine." I said

I heard Renji sigh and sit down on the floor, I took my cell phone and texted Orihime.

_Orihime, can you come over and on your way buy me a pregnancy test. _

I sent the message and within fifteen minutes Orihime was at my house and out of breathe. Renji asked her questions, but she never answered. I opened the bathroom door for her and she secretly handed me the package.

Now we are waiting for the results, I was scared, my heart beating faster and faster. I felt like a lifetime was passing me by.

"HOW!" Orihime asked

"He did it." I told her wiping the tears away with a tissue.

"You let him?" Orihime asked sitting next to me

I shook my head, that's when she took my hands and looked at me, it was written all over her face, _we need to tell Ichigo._

"No. I can deal with this." I said my voice cracking

"He raped you, this needs to be dealt with." Orihime told me

The beeping from the pregnancy test echoed as silence rained over the bathroom. Orihime and I looked at each other before I got up and check the test.

"Oh my god, thank god." I said as I fell to my knees.

"This needs to stop, your scaring the crap out of me and the rest of the girls." Orihime said softly as she crawled over to me

"I know." I said quietly

"Then let me tell Ichigo." Orihime pleaded

I swallowed hard and thought about it, I would be putting myself in more danger if Ichigo knew about it.

"Okay you can tell him tomorrow." I said looking over at Orihime who hugged me tightly.

"Thank god! You don't deserve this." She said her voice cracked a little bit as if she was crying

I nodded and hugged her back, glad that she was going to tell Ichigo, glad that Takashi might finally go down for all this drama.

Renji and Orihime left me around 7pm, I was scared to be all alone, and I was scared Takashi was going to come in. But I fell asleep on the sofa but the woke up at midnight because someone rang the bell. I opened the door without looking through the peek-hole.

"So you left early, what happened?" the voice was male but I was still waiting for my eyes to adjust to the lights.

"Takashi!" I gasped and tried to close the door.

"Don't be so rude!" Takashi said opening the door again

I backed away from him hoping to make a break for my room so I can call Renji or the police.

"You can't be here!" I said

"Why not, you're my girlfriend. I have a right to be here." He said closing the door behind him.

Takashi approached me, I backed away even more afraid of what he could do.

"Leave me alone!" I yelled as I ran upstairs

He ran after me and pulled my arm, he yanked me so hard I fell down the stairs. "I thought you were going to keep quite. Instead you opened your big fucking mouth! This wouldn't have happened if you just shut your fucking mouth and did as I said." My head was in pain but my abdomen was in extreme pain.

I closed my eyes, hoping everything would be over if I just closed my eyes. Hoping this was all a horrible nightmare. But it wasn't the pain was real!


	4. Chapter 3: I let her fall

**Author's Note:** Writing this Chapter was hard, I had to listen to "Guardian Angel" & "Angels Cry" by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. So if you want to feel the emotions I suggest you listen to the songs.

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_The Love & Hate between us_

Chapter 3: I let her fall (Ichigo's View)

It was 9 at night and I was almost done with my homework, but my father was bugging me about helping him in the clinic but I was just too sleepy to even bother. But with a call from my father I stormed out of my room.

"What the hell old man!" I yelled hoping to here a response

"Get down here, NOW!" my father yelled

It sounded urgent so I rushed downstairs and Takashi standing in the doorway, I glared at him, the tension in the air was so dense it was almost tangible. I passed by and went into the open door, looking at the body on the bed.

"Shit, Namie." I mumbled

Namie was knocked out, her face bruised, a little bit of blood coming out her mouth, her Pajamas soaked in blood. Enraged with what I saw I slammed the door and charged at Takashi.

"What the fuck did you do!" I yelled taking a fist full of his shirt and pushing him against the door roughly.

"I didn't do anything Kurosaki, so I suggest you back off!" Takashi snapped

"You're a fucking liar!" I went to punch him in the jaw but a brute strength pulled me back.

"Ichigo, get one of the nurses now." My father told me as he pulled me away from Takashi

"I'm gonna get you, she doesn't deserve this shit."I snapped as I went to get one of the nurses.

"Leave now." My father told Takashi

Two nurses passed by me and went straight to the room where Namie was being held. _Why didn't she tell me? Why did she even put up with it for so long! This is all my fault, I let my emotions get the best of me. This wouldn't have happened if I wasn't being such an asshole to her. Namie doesn't deserve this. _I went to my room and unplugged my phone and dialed Orihime's number, and told her everything.

"I'll be right over, is she okay?" Orihime asked

"I'm not sure Orihime." I said into the phone

I heard a long heavy sigh over the phone, before she hung up on me. _Orihime must have known, she's the only one who is close to Namie._ _But why didn't Orihime tell me?_

My father was in the room for hours, watching her vital signs as he fixed her up, I asked if I could help but he said with my emotions raging I'd only make it worse for her. Orihime arrived within 30 minutes, she was in her Pajamas but Uryu was with her. Uryu never let her go out alone at night; it made me think they slept in the same room and in the same bed.

"Is she going to be alright?" Orihime asked

"I'm not sure; my dad is in there now." I said running my fingers through my long hair

After everything with Aizen, school, and Namie, I never did get my hair cut. It was only the front and the back that was getting long. I forgot what Namie called the cut but she said it looked 'sexy', I kept thinking about the her. I slid down the wall and sat on the floor, the memories from the fight came up.

"This is all my fault." I said

"Ichigo, she was afraid to tell you. She wanted to but she just couldn't find the courage. She said after the fight, she knew you hated her." Orihime sat down beside me explaining the situation.

The more she told me the more I wanted to go out and hunt the bastard down.

The hours flew by and eventually Orihime and Uryu went home, I was still awake but I must have fell asleep waiting for my father to finish. I didn't know what was taking him so long but I wanted to know if she was alright, if she was going to make it.

"Ichigo, get up." I heard my father say as he shook me so I can wake up.

"I'm up, is she okay?" I asked as I scanned my father's face in hopes of an answer.

"Yeah, she's awake. In pain but awake." He said with a smile. "Just don't mention anything, wait until she's fully recovered."

I nodded and got up off the floor and walked into the room, Namie was sitting there playing with her hair like she always did.

"Hey Namie." I said softly as I approached her

"Ichi." Namie said as she adjusted herself to face me. She sounded so innocent like she normally did before everything with Takashi happened.

"I'm sorry." I said sitting on the chair next to the bed.

Namie didn't reply, I guess she was still in shock with everything going on. "How are you feeling?" I asked in hopes of keeping the conversation going.

"Pretty bruised up, but I can handle it." She said perking up hiding the pain behind a smile.

It bothered me that she could be so perky when she was hurt, but that was her specialty, she hid the pain behind a smile. Namie was always hard to read, she hide the pain behind a smile so well I could never tell what was wrong, nor could I tell if she was crying out for help.

"You need anything?" I asked

"No, Ichi. But do you know how I got here?" She asked

I was shocked that she had no memory of what happened last night, I sighed and took a deep breath, I prepared to tell her how she got here and how she got hurt. Namie sat on the bed in pajamas Orihime gave her; the shirt was dark purple and the pants where black with white skulls and pink hearts. The nurses must have tied her long brown hair back, but she decided to take it out. I looked in her purple eyes and for the first time in years, I saw some kind of emotion other then forced happiness; she was searching for an answer.

"Takashi bought you here last night. You were badly injured, bleeding a little from the mouth and your clothes were soaked in blood, your blood." I said tighten my fist.

Namie closed her eyes, and let her hair cover her face. I guess since I told her what happened, she must have had a flashback. I felt terrible, I wanted to do something but I felt helpless. All the talk about protecting her and keeping her out of harm was just crap right now.

"Namie, I'm sorry for everything. I went back on my word and I never listened to a word you said. I blocked you out." I said watching her cover her face. "I should have been there for you; I shouldn't have let you fall. I said I'll be there for you through it all but I didn't keep that promise. I shut you out."

I decided after the speech I would leave, but she held me back.

"Stay with me Ichi." She said taking my hand

So I stood with her, she was quite for the whole time, never said a word to me. But she was sleepy; she eventually fell asleep after a few hours of listening to my iPod. There was this one song she loved the most whenever it would change she would tap my leg so I could change it back. I looked at the song and it was "Guardian Angel" by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.


	5. Chapter 4: Confessions

Author's Note: I know the chapter is short, but I sorta blanked out after awhile. I liked this chapter. Also Ichigo's hair is long, it's in the recent Manga chapter...

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_The Love & Hate between us_

Chapter 4: Confessions

My head was spinning when I woke up, I didn't know what was going on but my favorite song was playing, it couldn't have been my iPod because I didn't have this song yet. I pulled at the wire and looked at Ichigo who was sleeping underneath me. I pushed myself up and tried not to wake him up, but his hands were tightly around my waist. I sighed and pulled his long bangs that almost covered his eyes.

"Damn it!" Ichigo yelled

Ichigo looked at me and opened his mouth to say something; I covered his mouth with my right hand. "I remember the speech you gave me Ichigo, please don't continue, my head is hurting." Ichigo glared at me

I removed my hand from over his mouth and got up, and stretched as much as I could "Do you wanna go back home?" Ichigo asked

I shrugged and went to open the door, my vision started to blur so I stopped and waited for my vision to adjust, without notice I fell to the floor.

"Dad!" Ichigo yelled as he rushed to my side.

"I'm fine!" I snapped as I pushed myself up

"What are you talking about you just collapsed and you say your fine! What the hell is wrong with you?" Ichigo snapped back

"I can do everything by myself I've done it before!" I snapped

"What do you mean you did it before?" Ichigo asked looking at me

"Nothing." I said quietly as I got up

"Tell me!" Ichigo pressed

"I took care of myself when I was in pain because of the rape" I mumbled under my breath as went to open the door. I quickly bit my lip, I didn't mean to say it but I did.

Ichigo quickly blocked the door and slammed it shut; my heart beat was getting faster.

"I heard the word rape, Takashi raped you?" Ichigo snapped

"Ichigo I didn't say that." I said lying through my teeth

"You're lying; I can see it in your eyes!" Ichigo yelled

"Shut up Ichigo!" I yelled my heart racing

"Why the fuck should I? Someone raped you and you want me to keep my fucking mouth shut!" Ichigo yelled

"Ichigo, relax." I said trying to relax so my heart beat would go back to normal.

"Why didn't you tell me before!" Ichigo yelled

"Because, because I didn't want you to-to…" My vision started to fade again; I took a deep breath and tried to relax. "Because I didn't want to, I knew you wouldn't care." I fell to the ground my vision fading slowly.

"Namie…" Ichigo said "Namie stay with me!" Ichigo said

Ichigo had everything, a good life, amazing friends, and an awesome family. I didn't fit in, when Ichigo left for months, I found everything out, and I was just a girl in need, who didn't have any family to go to when I was in need, who was just a problem child as far as everyone was concerned. What I had with Ichigo was an amazing friendship that ripped at the seams when I found Takashi. It fell apart when I told Ichigo I loved him. But I didn't love him, it was all a plot to get Ichigo away from me, it was his plan. _Get rid of Kurosaki, everything will be better without him_. I believed him, and now I understand why I believed him. I believed him because the wounds of being by myself were still open, fresh. Takashi saw that and went for it; he fed me lies and made me do his bidding until I was unprotected so that I had no one to tell about what he was doing to me.

Everything was a setup so that I could fall.


	6. Chapter 5: Lights Out

Author's Note: Sorry it took so long, a lot of stuff going on. review & stuff.

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_The Love & Hate between us_

Chapter 5: Lights Out

With everything that was going on I was pretty happy to actually be on my feet. Isshin eventually took notice in Ichigo's consist need to protect me, he eventually started to question everything which lead to my discomfort.

"So Namie, what's been going on lately?" Isshin asked

"Nothing much sir." I answered

Ichigo sat down in one of the chairs in his living room, and motioned me to sit down. "I rather not." I mumbled

"How's school been?" Isshin asked

"Okay." I answered

Isshin looked over at me and smiled, I swallowed hard. "Relax I don't bite." Isshin said as he sat down. I felt uncomfortable with both of them sitting and me standing, I finally sat down next to Ichigo.

"Is there something I should know about? I heard you and my son arguing yesterday morning." Isshin asked me

I swallowed hard and started to chew on the inside of my cheek.

"Dad I told you not to discuss it." Ichigo said becoming annoyed with his father's straight forward attitude.

"Discuss what?" I said acting a bit confused with what was going on.

"The Takashi situation." Isshin said seriously

I swallowed hard and bit my bottom lip. "Um, I'm not really feeling too well. I'm going to go home." I said as I started to get up.

"Namie, he's just concerned." Ichigo said taking my hand

I bit the inside and my cheek, I felt my heart start to beat faster, I took a couple of deep breathes. I turned around and smiled.

"There is nothing to be concerned about. There is nothing wrong, I promise." I said trying to be as convincing as I was capable of.

Everything was fake, the smile, and the whole sentence. I probably would have died if this kind of acting depended on my life. Isshin studied me, I felt Ichigo and his father's gazes on me, I felt my body go cold, and I was getting so nervous I thought I was going to break.

"Namie can you go to my room, I need to talk to my father." Ichigo told me

I felt like a kid that just got in trouble and I was being sent to my room, but in this case it wasn't my room it was Ichigo's room.

"Okay." I said quietly as I went upstairs.

I followed the hall to Ichigo's room, I opened the door and half excepted the room to smell, well like a guy, I also excepted it to be messy, but damn was I wrong. It actually smelled good, and it was really well kept. I closed the door behind me and found Ichigo's iPod on his pillow. I scanned through his songs and realized we had a lot in common when it came to music. I found "Guardian Angel" by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, I knew the whole song by heart, and it was one of the most played songs on my iPod.

"I'll stand up with you forever." I sang humming along with the lyrics.

I sat on Ichigo's bed and looked around; I realized the room looked kind of plain, no posters of women or anything. But something in the corner of the room caught my eyes; it was a guitar, an acoustic guitar. I smiled and picked it up. _I didn't know Ichigo played the guitar. _

I haven't played guitar in a few months, but I actually had a similar guitar. I replayed the song from the start and actually started to play by ear. At one point when playing everything around just seemed to disappear, I was actually in tone with the guitar for once.

"Even if saving you sends me to heaven." I sang "Seasons are changing and waves are crashing. And stars are falling all for us."

I kept playing the guitar and started humming, this was one of my favorite songs, a long time ago I tried to learn it off some tabs online, but I just couldn't get into it.

"Please tell me you'll stay."

"Use me as you will, pull my strings just for a thrill, and I know I'll be okay, though my skies are turning grey."

"Even if saving you sends me to heaven." I finally finished and stopped playing the song faded out and that's when I looked up from the guitar.

My heart sank; I slowly put the guitar on the bed, and pushed myself away from it. I was caught red handed.

"Um…hi." I said to Ichigo as I felt my cheeks get hot.

A sly grin was plastered on his face; he sighed and let out a low laugh. My heart was racing. _I didn't think he was listening, was my singing bad? Oh no, he's gonna laugh at me._

"How long where you there for?" I asked him

"When you started to sing please tell me you'll stay." Ichigo said

His sly grin was annoying me; I was waiting for a comment on my singing. Anything to help my heart get back to its normal pace.

"I heard you, so why are you acting so shy all of a sudden?" Ichigo asked closing the door behind him

"That bad?" I asked looking down at my chipped black nail polish

"No, it was actually pretty amazing." Ichigo said with a smile

I felt my cheeks get hotter, as I curled into a ball; I tipped over and fell onto Ichigo's pillow.

"So what happened with you father?" I asked looking at Ichigo

He sat down on the bed sighed. I know I'm in for a long talk, I can tell. Whenever Ichigo sits down next to me and sighs, I know he's thinking about what exactly to say.

"Well he's worried, he's thinking about calling your aunt-" I cut off Ichigo before he could even finish

"Wait what? Why is he going to call my aunt?" I asked Ichigo sitting up in shock.

"He thinks its better if you get out of Karakura for awhile; get away from all the drama. Maybe it'll clear your head." Ichigo shrugged

_How could he be okay with this, I thought Ichigo was my friend, why would he even suggest that?_

"Are you okay with this?" I asked Ichigo

Ichigo didn't answer; he just looked away and kept his attention away from me.

"Ichigo, I want to know if you're okay with this." I grabbed his hand

"Not really, but I don't have a say." Ichigo shrugged

"You could have said that it wouldn't be right to take me out of a place I've in for awhile." I told Ichigo.

"My father wouldn't have listened. He doesn't know what's going on but given the situation I think its best." Ichigo said as he laid down next to me.

"That's not fair; I can take care of this!" I snapped

"That's a lie, it's getting really bad. He's hurt you too many times and I wasn't even there to do anything." Ichigo snapped

I could tell he felt guilty, I could hear it in his voice, but he has nothing to feel guilty about. _I don't want to move back to where I was basically an outcast. At least here, I have so many friends who care for me. _

"Ichigo it's not that bad." I said chewing the inside of my cheek.

"He raped you and you say it's not that bad, he beat you up and you say that's not bad. What the hell is wrong with you?" Ichigo snapped as he sat up

"I don't want to leave; I rather put up with the abuse then leave everything and everyone here in Karakura." I said looking out the window.

The clouds grew darker and rains drops started to hit the window. I sighed and kept my eyes close.

"If I leave now I wouldn't be happy, I was an outcast in my old school, I wasn't so talented so I never got alone with anyone. At least here people accept me for who I am." I shrugged

I shivered a bit and started to bounce my knee, it was a bad habit but I always do it when I'm nervous. It started to pour, the drops were getting heavier.

"I got into a lot of trouble in my old school because I didn't fit in, but when I came here what did was never bad. I guess that's why I fell for Taka- I mean his arms, I felt like I needed the comfort." I started to bit my bottom lip.

Ichigo put his hand on my knee so I can stop bouncing my knee; I looked at him and tried to put on a fake smile.

"Sorry." I said with a smile choking back tears

"Why are you sorry?" He asked shaking his head

"For making you worry, everything," I said shaking a little bit "for making your life a living hell."

"It's not a living hell; trust me I've been through worse." Ichigo smiled

Thunder roared across the sky, the loud sound make me yelped and jump into Ichigo's arms. The lights suddenly shut off; I looked up at Ichigo and tried to play off the fact I was being a scaredy cat. At that moment, my heart beat started racing faster and faster. Our faces were so close, Ichigo closed the distance between us and kissed me on the lips, the warmth of Ichigo's warm lips on mine made me feel like I was floating; I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around Ichigo's neck. The kiss went on for minutes, it felt wonderful; his arms locked around my body making me fell so secure, buy I pulled away when I heard footsteps in the hallway.

"What happened?" Ichigo asked

"Your father." I answered quickly.

At that very moment Ichigo's father burst in Ichigo's room without warning with a flashlight.

"Are you guys okay?" He asked shining the light in our faces; I flinched and closed my eyes.

"What's going on here?" He asked lowering the flashlight out of our faces to my waist, which was still being held onto by Ichigo.

We both stood quite, I was waiting for Ichigo to take his hand away from my waist but he didn't.

"Don't make me have to give you two _The Talk_." Isshin said looking at us both

"Dad, it's alright. Nothing happened." Ichigo said quickly in hopes of avoiding The Talk from his father.

"I trust you both, don't break it." Isshin said as he left the room.

I looked at Ichigo and started to giggle, he smiled and kissed my forehead, I hugged him tightly.

"Thank you."


	7. Chapter 6: Cloudy for awhile

_The Love & Hate between us_

Chapter 6: Cloudy for awhile

It's complicated, everything was actually starting to slow down but now I'm forced to go back to school. I was out for about four days but it feels like less, but to be honest I don't want to go back, I guess I'm still scared.

"He can't do anything as long as your with people." Ichigo said as he walked me to homeroom.

"Are you here to stay?" I asked as I watched him sit down

"Yeah, I transferred all my classes back to my old ones." Ichigo sat down in the empty chair next to me.

I was glad to have Ichigo back; it felt so good to have him back in my homeroom. After the blackout a couple of days ago, I felt closer to him, caught kissing in his room in the pitch black room. I smiled to myself just thinking about it made me feel better.

The day went on, and I didn't see Takashi, but the day wasn't over yet. It was time for gym and this time I needed to participate otherwise one team would be short a member. We had to run around the track, jump hurdles,

I waited at my post so I can be given the stick we are supposed to be passed around from runner to runner. I watched as Orihime started to run, I put my hand behind my back and felt her place the stick in my hand, I started to run, I wasn't as fast as one Orihime friends but I was ahead of her because one of her teammate fell down when doing the hurdles. I ran as fast as I could, I finally reached the next girl and passed her the stick, I stopped running, and out of the corner of my eye I could have sworn I saw Takashi. I closed my eyes and laid down on the grass that was at the center of the track, I just needed to breath.

"Hey Namie, you okay?" Orihime asked as she sat down next to me

"Yeah, just need a breather." I said with a small smile

"Come on, let's go get some water." Orihime said trying to help me up

"Nah I'm good, I think I'll just sit here for awhile." I said with a smile

I would have gone but I had a fear that I did see Takashi and he'd be waiting for us, waiting to jump us. Since things are no longer going his way he probably has plans for me and the people around me. Maybe I should give a second thought about leaving, somewhere else…somewhere away from Takashi.

"So have you thought about actually moving?" Orihime asked

"What?" I asked her confusing my thoughts with her words.

"Ichigo told me his dad is going to call you aunt so you can move somewhere safe. Are you?" Orihime asked as she sat down next to me

"I've been thinking about it, not sure if I'll actually do it." I shrugged as I looked up at the cloudy blue sky.

It looks like it's going to rain, I hope so…I need a good amount of rain today. I sighed and looked over at Orihime who pursued her lips.

"What happened?" I asked with a smile

"I'm hungry." She announced as she rubbed her stomach.

With Orihime I was amazed that she could eat all this weird stuff and never gain weight! But then again all the weight probably goes to her boobs. I'm not being mean; most of our close circle of friends thinks the same.

"Didn't you just eat?" I asked

"It was a snack bar, that doesn't hold me. Does it hold you?" She asked me glaring at me playfully.

"Kinda, sorta, it depends. I'm never really hungry. I'm on a diet." I said with a shrug.

"DIET? You don't need it, you need food. You're too skinny to say you need a diet." Orihime said as she poked my stomach.

"Okay Orihime." I shook my head. "You want to hang out after school, maybe at my house."

"I need to really cram for the Chemistry test, unless you're willing to help me." Orihime hinted with a smile

"What about Ichigo or Renji? Or what is Renji's girlfriend's name?" I asked naming people.

"Ichigo and Renji can come, Renji doesn't have a girlfriend, but I think you're talking about Rukia. She hasn't been in town for a few months, a lot of stuff going on in her life." Orihime explained

"Oh, I hope she's okay." I said trying to remember what exactly she looked like.

"Okay so we are all gonna have a sleep over right?" Orihime chimed

"Yeah, wait what?" I asked in shock

"A study slumber party, come on we can bring Renji, Ichigo, and Tatsuki. It'll be fun. I pinky promise, we can eat a lot of food and study." Orihime smiled as she planned the whole thing out in her head.

I honestly feared the idea of having so many people at my house, it's not like it's a problem to tend to the people when it comes to sleeping, and I have tons of space, two extra bedrooms and a huge living room. The problem is I wouldn't be comfortable with it, but for the sake of keeping Orihime I nodded.

"YAY! This is going to be so much fun!" Orihime cheered

_What have I gotten myself into? _This whole situation is going to dig me even deeper. I'm pretty sure Renji already knows. I don't even want to think about it.


	8. Chapter 7: Stay in my Memory

Author's Note: Sorry it took so long, I have a lot of homework. Mostly Physics.

* * *

The Love & Hate between us

Chapter 7: Stay in my memory

I was at home just lying down on my bed when I heard the bell ring I groaned as I got up because I was annoyed with the whole sleep over thing. I love Orihime but I really didn't want a sleep over, I've been feeling cruddy all week and now she wants to have people over. I mean their my friends but I think I just want to be alone.

I opened the door and saw Ichigo, he was in regular clothes, I wasn't sure if he was going to stay but if he was we needed to talk. I guess I was done with my decision about moving, I want to move somewhere far, but I still wanna be able to see everyone.

"Um, hello." I said shyly and confused.

"Orihime told me to come over, I wasn't sure about it but I might as well give it a try." Ichigo shrugged.

"Right, Of course she told you to come over." I said quietly. "Just relax; I'm sure everyone else will be here in a few."

Ichigo entered my house and put his stuff near the closet which was near the entrance. It was quiet between us, none of us wanted to spark conversation. Eventually the bell rang and I sighed knowing it was Orihime. I opened the door and saw Orihime with a bright smile.

"Hiya Namie! Oh and Ichigo is here." She hugged us both and bought Uryu in.

He was happy; it was nice to see him happy, he doesn't seem as bitter as he did a few years ago. We all think it's because of Orihime's bubbly personality; her personality can light up a room.

"Hey Uryu, maybe you can tutor her." I said with a smile hoping he'd say yes.

"I probably will, but I also need to study for the Statistics test." Uryu shrugged.

I groaned. "If anyone else rings the bell open the door." I said as I went upstairs.

"This is annoying." I mumbled as I closed the door.

I wasn't annoyed with the friends upstairs, but more upset that I haven't been feeling well for the last couple of days. It's like head is saying _it's over, just let it blow over. _Meanwhile my body is like _it's still going on, it's going to be going on for awhile till this dumbass is dead. _So I'm at a crossroads, with all this going on, I've been extremely sleepy lately and I can't control it, I just wish everything would go away.

A knock echoed in my room and sent shivers up my spine. "Who is it?" I asked looking at the door, reaching for the knife under my pillow.

"Renji, who else would it, be?" Renji said

"Enter." I said studying my door as it opened; I saw the red pineapple open the door. I slid my knife back under the pillow.

"Hiding a gun under your pillow?" Renji laughed

"No." I said seriously. "Who sent you upstairs?" I asked

"Ichigo." Renji answered

"Oh, maybe you should go." I said looking at him, but my gaze kept switching from Renji to the floor.

I heard Renji sigh. "Just because I'm not him doesn't mean we can't talk."

"What are you talking about?" I asked looking at him

"I'm talking about Ichigo; I know you only talk to him about your situation. We are all in on this; everyone is tired of having to hear information from Orihime or Ichigo. We understand you have your privacy but we are all here for you." Renji said as he closed the door behind him.

I sighed and put my iPod touch in the iHome. I put on Stay in my memory by Bim. This song usually made me feel sad but I was already sad so what's the worse that can happen, right? The music loud, probably loud enough for everyone downstairs to hear, I just wanted some time to sleep, maybe just relax.

I stared at the ceiling; I started to think about my parents and about how much I truly miss them. I was making myself sad, and I felt tears forming in my eyes, I took a deep breath and tried to relax. I was being silly, this is for the best, yet if they were around all this wouldn't be happening right now. I wouldn't be in danger because of my stupid heart; I wouldn't be risking everyone else's life if it wasn't for me. Maybe everything would be better off without me; maybe, just maybe if I ran away everything would be better. I've caused too much pain to run away, Orihime would be worried. If I leave would anyone care?

I remember the days before were I use to be more secretive about everything, I remember when Ichigo first saw my scars. When he took me by the hand and made me promise to stop, I did it twice after that and then stopped. Ichigo was one of the best, he kept me on the ground, and he never let me slip. Without Ichigo I probably would have ran away a long time ago. There is something about him that just makes everyone feel safe, I'm not sure if it's his overwhelming need to protect or something else.


	9. Chapter 8: Runaway

Author's Note: Want to know when I actually have some in mind for my writing? Or do you have something to ask then follow me on Tumblr. It's the best way to contact me. a href=".com/"LINK/a

* * *

The Love & Hate between us

_Chapter 8: Runaway_

Am I awake or asleep? But this is Karakura, so I have to be awake. But everything was too quiet to be Karakura; I looked around and noticed I was standing in front of Ichigo's house. I went up to his door and realized the door was open.

"Isshin?" I called into the house

There was no reply to my call, I started to get worried. I went up to Ichigo's room in hopes of finding him.

"Ichigo!" I called

There was no reply to my call again, my heart started to race.

"Ichigo come out, the joke is over now. Your really starting to make me worried." I said loudly hoping this was all a joke.

The house was empty, I started to freak out. "ICHIGO!" I yelled at the top of my lungs.

"What's wrong Namie?" Ichigo said as he stepped forward

"Where were you when I called you a few minutes ago?" I yelled with tears in my eyes.

"I didn't hear you." Ichigo said as kneeled down in front of me.

"Ichigo where is everyone?" I asked concern about Isshin and the girls.

"Are you okay Namie?" Ichigo asked me as he touched my forehead

"Yeah I'm fine." I snapped

There was silence between us both. I hugged Ichigo tightly feeling the need to be hugged. I felt his arms wrap around me, but when I looked up he started to disappear. Then everything else started to disappear from underneath me. Now I felt like I was falling into what would have been the floor? I closed my eyes and opened them again looking at Ichigo standing straight reaching for me as I fell into what looked like the sky.

"Namie!" Ichigo yelled as he tried to grab my hand.

But he was just too far for me to even grab his hand. _What's going on? Is this all a dream or is this all for real? Where am I?_

"Erase everything you feel, no place to run, no place to escape." I heard a voice say

I was falling for what seemed like forever, everything around me was just clouds and gray skies.

"Namie!" I heard my name being called. "Namie! Namie wake up!" I heard Ichigo yelled

I opened my eyes to my room and Ichigo's face, everyone else was just standing behind him leaning in to see if I was okay.

"You're awake! I thought you died!" Orihime yelled through her tears.

"We all did." Ichigo said brushing my hair out of my face.

"I was falling, but it was different." I started.

"Can you guys give us some time?" Ichigo asked

"Sure" they all said

Everyone left my room, Renji was the last to leave, and I saw him leave a note on my table before closing the door behind him.

"What happened?" Ichigo asked softly

"I don't know, I remember laying on my bed and closing my eyes." I said looking at the ceiling

"What about your dream?" Ichigo asked

"I was in front of your house, but something was different about Karakura. It was quiet, no cars honking no talking, nothing. I walked to your front step and realized your door was open. I yelled for your dad at first, and then I called for you." I took a deep breath before continuing. "I finally told you to stop that it was a mean joke. Then you came, asked me if I was alright, when I hugged you, you disappeared, and then everything disappeared, I fell into the floor and everything turned into cloudy gray skies." I shrugged unsure of what really happen.

Ichigo stood quiet; he studied me and tried not to look worried.

"At least you're alright now." Ichigo said quietly running his fingers through his long hair.

"Are you sure I'm alright?" I asked worried

Ichigo checked for my pulse and nodded, he looked into my eyes and nodded again.

"Yeah your fine." Ichigo said his voice weak.

"Are you lying?" I asked concerned

"No." He said truthfully "I was just worried is all." He leaned in and kissed my forehead.

I pulled him down on my bed and hugged him. "I'm glad this is for real." I said hugging him tightly.

"Yeah." Ichigo replied weakly.

I kissed Ichigo on the lips, I was kind of concerned when he didn't kiss back, but I didn't want him to just walk out on me.

"You need to rest; everyone else will be downstairs studying. Join us when you feel ready." Ichigo said as he let go of me, he left my room without a word.

_What's going on with him? Did I do something wrong? Is he upset at me? _

I was questioning myself and it was making me feel crapier then before. I got up and grabbed the note off the table. My name was scribbled in Renji's somewhat neat hand writing; I opened it up and started to read.

Namie,

Sorry about before, maybe my head wasn't on right. Maybe I can't believe it's true what Orihime told me. I hope you know what the hell I'm talking about otherwise I'm wasting my time writing this. Just remember I'm here for you, I know you prefer Kurosaki over me but remember keep yourself safe.

-Renji.

I closed the note and stuffed it in my draw, I had no idea what he was talking about and it made me want to talk with Orihime but calling her upstairs would only make her question what has been going on with me.

Maybe I'll wait until nighttime to talk with the guys one on one.


	10. Chapter 9: I was not honest

The Love & Hate between us

Chapter 9: I was not honest

I did my studying in my room, everyone thought I was asleep when Orihime came to my room she knocked twice when I heard her knock I quickly put all my stuff away and pretended to sleep.

"Oh, I guess your asleep." Orihime said quietly. "Just so you know you had us all worried, we don't know what's going on but we hope you feel better. The guys are worried but continue to act like guys and say 'oh she's going to be alright.' When deep down inside you can hear it that they are worried, I just hope you pull through."

I heard the door close and went to keep studying, but remembered I needed to talk to Ichigo and Renji. I didn't know who to visit first but I have to make up my mind. I quietly got out of my bed and left my room, I peered over the railing and saw that Orihime and Uryu were the only ones actually studying. I think I told everyone where they could sleep so that means Ichigo is across the hall and Renji is down the hall. I quietly tipped toed to Ichigo's door and opened the door, as soon as my whole body was in the room I quietly closed the door behind me. I saw Ichigo at the desk writing in a notebook and listening to his iPod. I inched closer and tried to relax before opening my mouth.

"Ichigo?" I asked timidly

I didn't get a reply, well I sort of did but it was a hum because he was listening to music. I was curious as to what he was listening to so I got closer to him and heard the song clearly, it was My Heroine by Silverstein, one of the many songs I didn't really know by heart since I didn't really listen to them.

"What the hell?" Ichigo yelled as he fell out of the wooden chair.

"Sorry." I said quickly

"Aren't you suppose to be resting?" He asked as he sat up

"I was resting." I lied

"What are you doing here?" Ichigo asked his voice strong

"I wanted to talk to you but you seem busy." I said looking down to the floor, I saw his notebook and scanned it, I saw my name a couple of times. I picked up the book and quickly closed it and handed it to him, it was Ichigo's not mine so I shouldn't be looking through it.

"What did you want to talk about?" Ichigo asked

I could tell Ichigo was on edge about something, he put the notebook in his bag and looked at me awaiting my answer.

"Have you been…I mean…" I played with my hair and tried to get the words out. "Are you okay?" I said trying to put everything simply.

"Yeah I'm fine." Ichigo answered quickly.

"Are you sure because you've been acting weird lately?" I asked pressing futher wanting more detailed answer then _Yeah I'm fine._

"Yeah." Ichigo said sounding defeated, he tried covering up by making believe he was coughing.

I kissed Ichigo on the lips and pulled away teasing him hoping he'd kiss me back. I sighed when he didn't.

"This isn't the right time Namie." Ichigo said pushing me away slightly.

"Ichigo there is something going on? Why are you acting like this?" I said looking at him.

"I don't know what your talking about, but I do know you feel guilty. I can see it in your eyes." I said gripping the handles of the wooden chair tightly.

"You need to leave." Ichigo said quietly. Ichigo's iPod was loud and I could hear the lead singer "And just past your lips there's more anger then laughter."

Bit my bottom lip and shook my head as I pushed away from him. "Whenever you want to talk and stop acting like a jerk you know where to find me." I left the room.

I took a deep breath before walking to the room where Renji was at, we needed to talk. I wanted answers. I knocked on the door waiting for Renji to open up the door, I heard footsteps and the door finally opened. My heart started beating faster, I looked away from Renji's shirtless hot body.

"Hey Namie, everything okay?" Renji asked

"Um yeah…um, um." My gaze kept switching from the wall to Renji's tattooed chest.

"Come in." Renji took my hand gently and led me into the room.

He closed the door behind him and looked at me, I kept my sight somewhere away from Renji.

"I'm sorry for bothering you…" I said quickly I looked over at Renji's bed which was filled with Art and Language books. "Oh, I'm sorry. You were busy."

"I wasn't busy, just brushing up on some stuff." Renji cleaned off his bed

"I'm sorry, I'll leave you alone then." I said making my way for the door, Renji grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the bed.

"I said I wasn't busy Namie." Renji said softly looking at me his eyes filled with some kind of desire, his room was dim from the light on the desk but I could see a smile on his face, it wasn't a teasing smile more like a seductive smile.

"R-R-Renji." I said backing up slowly, Renji took my hand and laid me on the bed.

Before I knew it Renji was on top of me, both of his hands on the sides of my head. My heart was racing, part of me even thought my heart beat was audible. There was a silence between us that I decided to break.

"You wouldn't do it, so why set me up for it?" I asked nervously

Renji sighed when those words came out of my mouth. "I wasn't going to do it so don't think about it that way! Part of me had something mapped out but the other part me just like my heart get in the way." Renji said as he moved my hair out of my eyes. "Look, I know you and Kurosaki have something going on and I guess I'm...happy for you. But I'm here for you, I don't want you to feel like you have no one to talk to."

"What's going on with you and Ichigo? Were you guys worried?" I asked

"Were we worried?" Renji echoed "Hell yeah. Honestly, we thought we lost you. Ichigo was ready to punch a hole in the wall." Renji laughed but his face got serious as if he was thinking about something.

"There was nothing to be worried about." I said with a smile trying to lighten the mood.

"But I do understand why Ichigo is upset sometimes. You smile when things are serious. You had no heartbeat, we all thought something happened." Renji punched the bed his eyes filled with guilt, the same guilt Ichigo's eyes had.

I stood quite, I never realized I did that but I guess it's because of all the pain I endured, I try to brush it off. I sat up, my face inches away from Renji's.

"I don't do it on purpose, it's just how I deal with things." I shrugged.

Renji nodded, Renji leaned in, his lips touching mine. I intentionally leaned in and kissed him softly. "I'm sorry for making you worry." I said as I pulled away. Renji let out an aggravated sigh and leaned in again trying to get another kiss. I smiled softly and kissed him again, Renji took my hands and held them tightly. The kiss lasted longer, when I entered the room I was kind of cold but now I'm hot, Renji's body was extremely hot, I loved it. I pulled away again.

"I need to go." I said softly.

"No you don't." Renji whispered into my ear.

I shivered and nodded trying to show Renji I was being serious, he sighed and gave up. He got off of me and helped me up off his bed. Renji kissed my forehead before I left his room.

The passion I felt with Renji is the passion Ichigo was lacking. I wanted to know what exactly was going on but he needs to pull himself together before we talk.


	11. Chapter 10: My Heroine

Author's Note: This chapter consist of a lot of cursing. I will also start taking questions and stuff on my tumblr. All you have to do is click 'ask' and then submit. :) Even if it's not a question. It'll be better to make a tumblr that way you have access to the link when it comes out. My tumblr is on my profile. 3

* * *

The Love & Hate between us

Chapter 10: Looking for words to say (Ichigo's View)

Normally I thought it would be sunny but I remembered the news saying the weather was going to be pretty bad over the course of the week. I took a shower and got ready for school, honestly I'm still concerned for Namie but she'll pull through, she always does. I left the guest room and walked down the hall. I faintly started to remember how I was acting last night, she was upset, no, upset is the wrong word, she was aggravated with me. Just when I was going to knock on her door I saw a purple post-it on her door, a few words were written on it in script.

Hey guys,

I need a few extra hours of sleep so I'll meet you guys at school during lunch. Don't wait up.

Love Namie.

I sighed and walked away, I saw everyone waiting downstairs eating, and Orihime ran to me with a smile on her face. She looked well rested and happy, I was glad to see her happy but Renji and Uryu didn't really seem to be as happy as she was.

"Hey Kurosaki is she coming to school today?" Renji asked

"She left a note on her door saying she is going to come late around lunch time." I explained

He nodded and went back to what he was eating. Orihime gave me a plate on food, the normal stuff, eggs, toast, etc. Honestly I didn't know Orihime could cook normal food, either way I shook my head.

"No thanks, I'm not hungry." I answered turning down the plate of food.

Before I walked away I saw her eyes, she was worried but she tried so hard to hide it.

"I'm going to leave early. See you guys later." I said as put my black sweater

I quickly took my book bag and left the house, I had to fight back the urge to talk to Namie, leaving earlier was the only thing I could do. Everyone else was still worried and I knew if I bought up last night no one would talk about what was going on in their heads.

Orihime was easy to read, she was worried from the start, when I first told her about Namie she ran upstairs and tried everything in her power to get Namie to breathe again. Eventually Uryu took her hand and pulled her away, she was choking back tears, Namie is one of her best friends and if anything happen to her Orihime would do everything in her power to get her back.

On the other hand Renji tried to keep his distance, he felt it, I know he did. Namie is sort of like Orihime, she gives off a lot of Spirit pressure, sometimes it's a faint feeling and sometimes it's kind of overwhelming, I guess it depends on her emotions but last night I didn't feel her spirit pressure at all. He didn't say anything or move until I ran upstairs. I had the urge to just punch in the face but I didn't I punched the wall. Part of me still regrets not punching him in the face.

Since I took the long way to school I still arrived late…I walked into homeroom excepting Namie to be sitting in the back with her nose in a book. Everything came back, I was a jerk last night and I regret it.

"Kurosaki your late." The teacher said breaking the whispers around me

"I'm aware of that." I said as I set my stuff down on my desk.

"Is Namie coming to school?" She asked

"She's not feeling well; she said she'll come by around lunch time." I said tighten my fist.

The teacher stopped hounding me with questions and finally went back to stapling together our test we tried to study for last night. Homeroom finally let out and I left the room without a word to Orihime, Uryu, or anyone.

I went to each of my classes not even thinking about the test I knew I was going to fail. I mean I crammed a lot last night I just don't think I'll be able to focus.

The hours went by and I only had one more test to do, I stood in front of math and waiting for the class before us to finish up the test.

"Damn have you seen how hot that girl is?" I overheard a guy whisper

"What girl?" another guy replied. "You mean Namie? Yeah she's fucking hot."

"Right? She has the best body you just wanna fuck." A guy replied

I quickly turn around and grabbed the guy by the collar of his shirt; I pushed him up against the wall.

"You better shut the fuck up." I threatened

"What the hell is your problem Kurosaki? She isn't your girlfriend." He said trying to push me away.

"I don't give a shit, it shouldn't matter." I snapped

"Why are you so fucking sensitive about this bitch, she is a whore." He snapped

I pulled him away from the wall and slammed him against the wall harder. He coughed and glared at me.

"You know she's a bitch, she was Takashi's Bitch!" He yelled

I pulled away from the wall and turned to the glass, I roughly pushed him into the glass. His head hit the glass and cracked it; his body fell to the floor. He touched the back of his head and looked at the blood on his hand. Just when I was going to punch him again, I felt someone pulling me back.

"Ichigo RELAX!" I heard Chad tell me.

"I'm fucking beat your ass." I yelled

His friends pulled him up and dragged him to the nurse. The teacher quickly ordered me to go to the principal's office. Chad shook his head and told me to go; I walked to the office in silence.


	12. Chapter 11: More anger then laughter

The Love & Hate between us

Chapter 11: More anger then Laughter

As soon as I arrived at school I saw an ambulance in front of the building, I quickly ran to one of the students standing on the sidewalk.

"What's going on?" I asked out of breath

"Ichigo pushed this guy into the window." She quickly explained as she looked at me. "It was over you. Someone told me the guy Ichigo beat up was talking about you and not in a good way. Takashi's name came up."

I shook my head and walked away. "Wait!" She called. "Ichigo's being held in the office." I nodded and went into the building.

I pushed the hair out of my face and looked at my arm that was wrapped in bandages. _Why is it always me, can't I just be normal. I hate all this drama. _I saw Orihime talking to Ichigo outside the office, I ran to them with my cheeks red with anger.

"What the hell is going on?" I shouted

"Namie please let him explain." Orihime pleaded

"Why do you do this?" I yelled. "No that's a stupid question! I know why, but you're only getting yourself into trouble!"

"Namie relax please." Orihime pleaded

"NO! Whatever that kid said I know I heard before. What did he say that I was a bitch," I felt tears form in my eyes. "That I was a-a-a whore! I've heard it before Ichigo!" I grabbed him by the collar and looked into his eyes. "You need to stop."

My heart was racing from all the yelling, my bottom lip started to quiver. Tears streaming down my cheeks, I felt someone grab my hand and pull me away from Ichigo.

"Namie relax." I heard Renji say softly. "You guys can talk later."

"Attention, due to the incident at school all classes are cancelled till Thursdays. We'll see you then." The principal announced over the PA system.

"Renji can you take her home?" Ichigo said looking at me.

"Sure." Renji's grip on my hand tightens a little bit.

"I'm not leaving!" I yelled shaking my head.

"Namie please." Renji said looking at me.

I nodded after a few minutes, I let going of Ichigo and walked with Renji. _I wanted answers and I wanted them now. It wasn't fair to me, I know what they say behind my back but that isn't a free pass for Ichigo to go in and get himself in trouble. _

As soon as we stepped outside people stared at us, I shook my head and walked faster, I wanted to get off campus quickly, and I was sick of people and all the shit they talk.

"Namie." Renji called, I ignored him and kept walking fast. "Namie!" Renji said as he grabbed my hand and pulled me back.

"What?" I snapped with tears in my eyes.

Renji sighed and took my other hand. "We need to talk, I know I'm probably the last person you wanna talk to today but you look like you're ready to explode." Renji said with a smile.

A smiled showed on my face, I looked down and shook my head. "You're so dumb Renji." I said laughing through my tears.

"Come on, no more crying. Alright?" Renji asked with a smile.

"I pinky promise." I said with a smile

We made it home before it actually started raining, I locked the door behind me and to take a deep breath, I started to remember the argument I had with Ichigo. I tried to shake it off before it actually got to me.

"Ugh." I said as I shook my head. "I'll be back." I said as I went upstairs.

I went into my room and looked into the mirror, my eyeliner was messed up and my dark eye shadow was smudged. I growled as I took a tissue and started to clean my face up.

"You alright?" Renji said as he sat on my bed.

"Yeah, just fixing my makeup, well not really, I'm taking it off." I said as I threw the now black tissue into my purple trash can. I took a makeup removal wipe; I started to wipe my face clean.

"Why do you girls wear makeup?" Renji asked as he looked at me

"I don't know, honestly it started when everything happened, I realized I needed to hide the bruises so I started to wear concealer, then I moved to eyeliner and so on." I said as finished

"Oh, well you don't need it now." Renji said with a smile. "All the wounds are gone and your glowing without makeup." He took my hand and pulled me to the bed.

I blushed and smiled. "Thanks Renji for everything." I hugged him tightly.

"Don't thank me; I would do anything for you." Renji whispered

"You're being silly." I said with a smile

Renji had this scent that smelled like vanilla and something else it just drove me crazy. I loved it.

"How am I being silly?" Renji asked pressing his forehead on my right shoulder.

"I don't know you're just being silly." I said softly.

"Well that's an amazing explanation." Renji laughed and kissed my cheek. "You feeling better now?"

"Yeah." I trailed off as I started to think about Ichigo and how we snuggled up in his bed.

"You're lying." Renji said softly

"Yeah." I said not really listening.

"Your thinking about him aren't you?" Renji said asking trying to make me look him in the eye.

"I don't know it just makes me so fucking pissed that he gets himself in trouble for me." I said breathing trying not to break down.

"You have to understand all of us would take the fall for you." Renji said softly trying to clam me down.

"Ichigo almost fucking killed someone today!" I snapped. "Look I know the boys have been saying shit about me saying I'm a whore but it's not worth it to even fight back."

"Yeah but you didn't have sex with him right so technically you're not." Renji said looking at me his eyes filled with truth.

I bit my tongue and got off of Renji, my eyes started to get watery. I left the room with tears in my eyes. _It wasn't fair, I hate this, and I wish everyone can just forget everything._


	13. Chapter 12: That kind of Love

Author's Note: The songs mentioned are actual songs, so you can check them out on YT. I've been on a writing spree for awhile now. :) So enjoy it while it last.

* * *

The Love & Hate between us

Chapter 12: That kind of love

Night came quickly, Ichigo was back at my house, well everyone was back at my house. I told them it was okay, well I didn't but everyone took it upon themselves to setup camp at my house till I was okay to be by myself. Even at that point Orihime and I started to talk about how she should live with me she was happy about it and said she'd be happy. I kept myself busy and away from Ichigo and Renji.

I wasn't pissed at Ichigo; I was starting to understand his ways. After all these years I'm now starting to pay attention to how he defends people. As for Renji, well he still doesn't know what was going on; as a matter of fact I think everyone else in my group of friends knows what happened. I'm not sure if I'm ready to tell him yet, Renji means a lot to me, I'm not even sure what I want, I like Ichigo but Renji is just so passionate. I don't even know anymore.

I stood in what I considered the playground, since the house was huge I took it upon myself to actually make a place where I could actually just hang my pieces of art and actually keep my writing in. It was the size of my bedroom which is pretty big, the walls were this pretty powder purple, unlike my bedroom these walls are drawing free, and my bedroom walls are covered in drawings I made over the years. I kept my best books in here; basically this room is where I can just runaway from reality.

"Wow this place is a maze." I heard Orihime say as she entered my playground

"Oh hey Orihime." I smiled

She closed the door behind her and left it opened just a crack. She plopped herself down on the sofa and examined the room. "This room is amazing."

"Thanks did the painting with Ichigo a few years ago." I said as I examined the room.

"Can we talk?" Orihime asked

"Sure, what's on your mind?" I asked her with a smile

"With what's been going on, I realized you've been getting really close with Renji and Ichigo. Now maybe it's just me but it seems like you really like them both." Orihime smiled.

"Yeah I like them, but I don't think it's the right time if you're getting at what I think you're getting at." I said focusing on my writing.

"You'd tell me if you, you know." Orihime's voice trailed off

"Orihime!" I blushed I looked at her she had the biggest grin on her face.

"I'm just saying." Orihime smiled

"I'm pretty sure you and Uryu did it." I pushed

"No not yet, we aren't ready for it. I don't think we will till we are both comfortable." Orihime said as she daydreamed about god knows what.

"Your so silly, but about moving are you sure?" I asked as I quickly changed the topic.

"Yeah, you're like a sister to me, I love you a lot." Orihime hugged me tightly squeezing all the air out of me.

"Love you too." I said pulling away.

"Look I heard something went down earlier today with Renji. What happened?" She asked

"I haven't told him about what Takashi forced me to do with him." I said tipping her off so I don't have to say the word.

"You don't feel comfortable or is it something else?" Orihime asked

I shrugged and started to think about everything. Everything that bastard did to me, all the bruises I got and all the drama I went through.

"I guess it's because I don't wanna bring it up and feel like I have to explain myself." I said as I tried not to slip into my emo mood.

"You don't have to explain yourself to him if you don't want to. Renji won't force you and you know that." Orihime explained as she tried to cheer me up.

"Yeah I know." I answered.

"Look, I'm gonna leave you alone. I ordered some pizza, so if you're hungry I'll bring you a piece." Orihime smiled as she got up and left the room with a smile.

I looked down at the blank page, I started to write, more like scribble, I tore the page out and made a paper ball, I aimed it for the dark blue trashcan and threw it. I missed big time.

"I hate this, why can't I make up my mind?" I growled and turned on my iHome and the song I liked so much came on, but it made me think about the situation at hand.

"Can't seem to hold you like I want to, so I can feel you in my arms." The song went on

It was a cover of slow dancing in a burn room by John Mayer; the cover artist was Tyler Ward. I quickly tried to change the song, the song switched to another song that made me think.

"What the hell am I listening to!" I yelled

I peered up and looked at Renji who was holding back a laugh. "Shut up." I said as I sank into the sofa.

"I didn't say anything." Renji said as he closed the door behind him.

He was wearing black jeans and a dark blue, his long read hair tied back with a few loose strands. Of course he was smiling as if he was here to tease me.

My heart was sinking, if the sofa was the sea, I would be hoping and praying that I would drown. The song was making me blush and get embarrassed, according to Renji, Ichigo and Orihime; I'm the girl that listens to Post-hardcore. So listening to music like Tyler Ward's music came to a surprise to them.

Renji sat down next to me and shook his head. I hid my face in the pillow; I hated having people listen to what I listen to. That's why I hate giving out my iPod.

"So don't be shy, you're like paradise." Tyler sang

I sunk down further into the sofa hoping it would swallow me up. "I don't know why you're so shy." Renji took my hand and pulled me up.

"Are you going to tell me why you've been avoiding me all day?" Renji asked shifting his whole body toward me

I started to play with my hair, twirling it around my finger. "I want to tell you, but I know how you are." I started. "Your ten times more violent then Ichigo when it comes to friend's well being. So if I tell you you'll go hunting for him." I stared at my bandaged arm.

"You don't want to tell me and it's something bad and you think I'm going to act worse than Ichigo?" Renji asked

"Yeah." I nodded avoiding eye contact

"I'm not gonna say I'm not going to overact, but I'm also not going to force it out of you. So take your time and tell me when you're ready." Renji said with a smile as he softly pinned me to the sofa.

I smiled and blushed; Renji made my heart beat faster and slower at the same time. The song seemed to be on shuffle but on a certain playlist, but the song that kind of Love by Tyler Ward kept playing.

"Don't be shy, you're like paradise." Renji whispered in my ear the same time Tyler said it in the song.

I giggled and smiled, Renji kissed me softly, I felt my cheeks get hot, but I closed my eyes and relaxed. Renji's grip on my wrist tighten a little and that's when I felt a tiny wave of pain flow through my body that made me wince in pain. Renji pulled away and sat me up.

"What happened to your wrist?" Renji asked

"Nothing." I said leaning in to kiss Renji he pulled back.

Renji studied me and shook his head. "Just a little incident, I'm fine silly." I smiled

"I can tell your lying." Renji said looking at his voice serious

"If I tell you why I've been avoiding you, you have to promise me you won't go on a killing spree." I said trying to make terms with him

Renji studied me and nodded. "Just give me some time, can we talk later about this?" Renji asked

"Yeah, I would prefer to do it that way." I answered

Renji left the room without a word the door closing quietly; I finally found the remote to shut of my iHome. I sighed and stared at the ceiling, wondering if telling him would be the right thing.

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Author's note: should I turn it into a Renji fanfic? :o it seems to be turning into one. Comments please.


	14. Chapter 13: Sorry, we let you down

The Love & Hate between us

Chapter 13: Sorry, we let you down

I was planning the conversation in my head, how it would work out and how Renji would react when I told him. Each time I told him he would get upset and walk out of the room like an over dramatic actor. But I think I'm ready, at least I hope I am.

By midnight it started to pour, since this room had big windows I remembered I had to safeguard them just in case of some drastic weather change. My aunt had this window guards in stalled that put metal around the windows so that they don't really break, but the thing is it makes my room like so gloomy.

"Namie, can we talk?" I heard Ichigo ask when I heard my door open.

"Yeah." I said softly as I closed the dark blue curtains. I turned on the light making the room brighter.

"Look you have to understand my point of view and why I did it." Ichigo started. "The shit that they were saying just got me so pissed. I know I messed up and I honestly regret auguring with you. But I don't regret sending the guy to the hospital, all the crap he was saying about you just…" Ichigo trailed off. "I'm trying my hardest to tell you that you don't deserve all the bullshit you've been through. You deserve someone who is gonna treat you amazing." Ichigo ran his fingers through his hair.

"Ichigo, stop." I said softly trying to calm him down. "I understand what you're talking about. Thank you for standing up for me, I'm grateful, but you got in trouble."

"It was worth it, bastard needed to shut his mouth-" I put my index finger on his lips so he could be quiet.

"Ichigo, just stop. I get it, I really do. You just confuse me sometimes, I'm getting these mixed emotions from you and it's getting harder and hard to read you." I said with a sigh

"You know how I feel so why question it?" Ichigo said as he pulled my finger away from his soft lips.

"Do I really know or is this some way to cover it up?" I asked

"You know." Ichigo said softly

"Prove it to me." I said with my arms crossed.

Ichigo let out a low laugh and whispered. "I don't need to prove it to you, but my father wants to see you tomorrow."

"Way to pop my bubble Ichi!" I said pouting

"I couldn't just do what you wanted, I'm not like that. I've learn to avert the puppy eyes long ago." Ichigo teased his serious face changed to a more happier one.

"That's mean." I mumbled

"As I recall you always called me mean, grumpy and serious." Ichigo mimicked me from when we were in middle school.

"Well it's true!" I said glaring at him.

"Anyway, my dad is concerned and wants to check up on you. Okay?" Ichigo said breaking the moment of fun and turning it into a serious moment.

"Yeah." I said trying to conceal my nervousness.

"There is nothing to be nervous about; I'll be there with you. Everyone else is going to be helping Orihime move in." Ichigo said kissing my forehead gently.

"Um Ichigo…can I ask you for a favor?" I asked my voice softly and low.

"Sure." Ichigo said looking at me.

"Can you tell Renji…that Takashi…you know…" I said nervously my stomach clenching.

"Doesn't he know?" Ichigo asked his voice filled with concern.

"No, I was going to tell him but now I don't know if I want to." I said taking a deep breath.

"You don't have to, it's up to you. I'm not going to be a messenger. that is something you have to tell him." Ichigo said as he left my room.

The door closed behind him, my heart dropped. "Thanks for nothing." I mumbled to myself. I decided to sleep until Renji came knocking, part of me was hoping he'd forget about wanting to talk with me but part of me was highly doubting it. The sofa was a nice place to just lay my head down and drift into a deep sleep.


	15. Chapter 14: Broken Angel

Author's Note: Hey guys, thanks for all the questions so far. Some really good, if I haven't gotten to your question don't worry about I'm trying my best to get to them all. Thank you. If you haven't submitted a question then do it now. :)

* * *

The Love & Hate between us

Chapter 14: Broken Angel

To my surprise I woke up in my room, I didn't questions it; I took a shower and got dressed in light grey skinny jeans, and a plain dark blue shirt. I couldn't get over the fact that I was in my bed and not on the sofa in the other room. _Was it Renji or Ichigo?_

The scars on my arms stung when I tried to clean them with alcohol…I yelped and fell onto the floor.

"Namie you alright!" Ichigo knocked on my door.

"Shit." I kept saying over and over to myself.

I quickly cleaned the blood that surface, I took some bandages and covered the scars up.

"Namie?" Ichigo asked again

"Yeah, I'm fine just tripped." I half way lied.

There was silence, so I took this opportunity to put on my black converse and do my hair. I looked at myself in the mirror and tied my hair in a ponytail leaving some loose strands. I took my eyeliner and lined my waterline for each eye.

"Maybe Renji's right, I don't need it anymore." I mumbled to myself.

I shook my head and finished, I walked out of my room and saw Ichigo giving me a confused look.

"What are you looking at? I'm fine." I said I attempted to walk away but Ichigo grabbed my wrist. "What the hell!" I snapped

"Relax." Ichigo said softly. "Why?"

"Why what?" I asked looking away from him

"Orihime bought it to my attention." Ichigo said taking the scared wrist in his hands.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I pulled my wrist out of his grasp. "I told you I'm over it so leave it."

Ichigo looked at me, I couldn't read his expression and it kind of concerned me. But it was none of his business, it's not like I did it down the street only across the river. I walked down stairs and took my jacket.

"Can we go now?" I asked as I looked at Ichigo.

"You don't wanna eat?" Ichigo asked

"I'm not hungry." I answered honestly.

"Fine." Ichigo took his black sweater and left with me.

I hated going to the doctors because they ask so many questions, and it's rare that they ever do anything. But it seemed important, it's not like I'm dying anyway.

Since we were both silent during the walk to his father's clinic I felt like it took forever to get there. Ichigo opened the door for me and let me in.

"Welcome Namie." Isshin said cheerfully as he greeted me.

"Hi Mr. Kurosaki." I said with a forced smile.

"I heard about what happened are you okay?" He asked

"Yes, I wasn't in school at the time so I didn't get hurt. I'm sorry for getting Ichigo into trouble." I said looking at the wooden floor.

"No don't say you're sorry, I would have done the same thing if someone was talking about my girl friend like that." Isshin said

I stood quite and took a deep breath ignoring the girlfriend part and the fact that he knew what was said.

"Anyway I'm glad that you're here, we need to talk." Isshin said leading me to his office.

I grabbed Ichigo's hand tightly and looked at him. "Come with me Ichi." I said softly my voice sounding like it was going to crack.

"Sure." Ichigo said with a soft smile.

"AW! Just like how it use to be." Isshin teased.

"Dad." Ichigo groaned

Isshin laughed and opened the door for Ichigo and I, I sat down next to Ichigo, and he was still holding my hand.

"Are you doing lately?" Isshin asked

"Alright I guess." I shrugged "Expect for a little minor mishaps at home."

"Minor mishaps?" Isshin echoed

"Yeah, it's nothing big." I lied

Ichigo squeezed my hand briefly, and looked at me. "No." I mouthed

"Alright, has your vision been blurring lately?" Isshin asked

"Nope." I answered honestly

I stood quite and moved pieces of hair out of my face, I my breathing started to sound shaky I was nervous and I hated it.

"Were you in an incident?" Isshin asked pointing out my arm.

My heart dropped, I tightly squeezed Ichigo's hand. Ichigo looked at me, his eyes filled with concern and worry.

"No." I said softly.

"Self inflicted?" Isshin said in shock

"Yes." I said barely audible.

"Ichigo did you know?" Isshin asked

"No one knew sir." I said softly

"Namie, is anything going on at home that I should know about?" Isshin asked softly like he was talking to Karin or Yuzu.

Ichigo squeezed my hand tightly, I shook my head no, and I knew what Ichigo wanted me to tell him, it's my business. Just because he's a doctor it doesn't mean he has to know about it.

"Namie." Ichigo said softly as he let out a long sigh.

"What am I not getting here?" Isshin asked

"I'm not going to tell him Ichi." I said softly closing my eyes fighting back the tears that wanted to come out.

I tightened my grip on Ichigo hand; I was basically telling him I didn't want to tell him. _Why does everyone bring it up? Just drop it!_ There was silence in Isshin's office, I heard Isshin get up.

"I'll leave you to alone." Isshin said as he walked out of his office closing the door behind him.

"Self inflicted Namie?" Ichigo said making me look at him

"Yes Ichigo, it was just once." I said softly

"Once, you did this in middle school and before, we made a promise do you remember that?" Ichigo asked

"Yes I do." I said softly remembering the promise I made to Ichigo in 7th grade.

"I don't think you do." Ichigo said pushing me to recite the promise.

"You made me promise I won't hurt myself." I said reciting my half of the promise.

A tear rolled down my cheek, I quickly wiped it away with my hand.

"And I promised to keep you safe." Ichigo said.

We both broke our promises all because of our argument. Ichigo sighed.

"Everything is in the past now and I know it's going to take some time to get over but I know you will. I'm here for you." Ichigo said lifting my chin with his left hand.

My eyes were watery as my eyes met with Ichigo's dark brown eyes.

"Stop crying." Ichigo said softly.

Ichigo leaned in and kissed me on the lips softly it was quick but it made me realize I have someone amazing in front of me. Tears rolled down my cheeks, I wiped my tears away and looked at Ichigo. Ichigo hugged me tightly to his chest, I felt and heard his heart beat.

"He's going to pay." I heard Ichigo say.

I heard the door open; I quickly pushed away from Ichigo and fixed my hair.

"Namie, you don't have to tell me what's going on but I do want you to talk to someone." Isshin said

"I don't wanna talk to a shrink." I said shaking my head.

"I wasn't talking about going to a therapist. Since you have such an amazingly close relationship with my son, you should talk to him. Also promise me no more hurting yourself."

I nodded not fully making the promise, it took time for me to actually get away from the thought of self inflicted stuff but hopefully it won't take long.

We left the clinic, my head still held tightly in Ichigo's hand. I smiled to myself, happy that he's here for me.

* * *

Author's Note: During this whole chapter I listened to Broken Angel by Boyce Avenue, I love it. :)


	16. Chapter 15: Fall for You

Author's Note: I know it's kind of sappy but i love it. Thank you for all the comments. :) I wrote this chapter listening to Boyce Avenue, Maria Mena, Tyler Ward, and a few others.

* * *

The Love & Hate between us

Chapter 15: Fall for You

I had gotten a call from Orihime after we left the clinic she proudly told me she was fully moved in and all she needed to do was unpack. She also told me everyone was going on to Dinner.

"This gives you time to spend with Ichigo." She whispered

"Shut up, I'm not like that." I snapped

She giggled and said goodbye, I hung up and looked at Ichigo who was trying hard to conceal a smile.

"What was all that about?" Ichigo asked

"Nothing, I guess we have the house to ourselves." I said softly

"They went out?" Ichigo asked

"Yeah." I said softly my cheeks heating up

Ichigo smiled and kept walking, I didn't know what he was thinking but I knew he had something in mind.

We finally got home and Ichigo let go of my hand, I looked at him and pouted.

"Promise me you won't run off if I tell you something." Ichigo said softly into my ear.

"I promise." I said softly

"I had Orihime kick the whole crew out, another words I set this up." Ichigo said

"I had a feeling you did." I mumbled

"During the time they were moving stuff I had Yuzu setup a surprise." He said with a sneaky smile on his face.

"What kind of surprise?" I asked with a smile

"Go upstairs and get ready, there is also another surprise upstairs for you." Ichigo said

I sighed and went upstairs he followed then we parted ways, he went to his room and closed the door. As soon as I opened the door my attention was bought to the small black halter dress on my bed along with the heels on the floor. On the dress was a note from Orihime and Yuzu.

_Namie, _

_ We know if you were to choose the outfit you would have picked the black skirt and some bright shirt. But then Yuzu noticed this wonderful dress in the back, HIDDEN behind a bunch of jeans and skirts. Your gonna wear it and like it, it fits me so it fits you. We're about the same bra size so I don't think you'll have a problem. __ We LOVE YOU! _

_ Love Orihime & Yuzu_

I looked at the dress and into the mirror, my gaze switching between the two.

"Damn." I said with a sigh

I took a shower and came out about 15 minutes later. I dried my hair out with my blow dryer and styled it with mousse, leaving the waves in my hair to naturally show. I put on the dress and bit my bottom lip, it fit fine but I was stepping way out of my comfort zone wearing this. It showed my curves and it made me feel so uncomfortable. I felt like I had butterflies in my tummy, I wasn't hungry because Ichigo took me out to lunch/dinner earlier.

"It's just Ichigo right." I said to myself as I looked at myself in the mirror

I put on the two inch black heels and looked back into the mirror, my heart stopped for a second.

"Hate dresses." I growled

I shook my head and put eyeliner on. _For now on only a little makeup, I no longer wanna look like a Barbie doll. _I took a deep breath and walked out of my room only to see Ichigo in a pair of black dressy pants and a white button down shirt. I blushed red and slowly stepped back into my room, my heart racing. Ichigo took hold of my hand and bought me back out of my room.

"No!" I said fighting against his grip

"What you look beautiful." Ichigo said with a smile.

"I hate you." I said covering my red face.

"I think I'm gonna change that." Ichigo said as lead me down the stairs into the living room.

He covered my eyes with a scarf from my room and told me to trust him.

"Ichigo please stop." I said softly my heart racing

"Don't worry." I heard him say.

All of a sudden I heard music, the song playing sounded so familiar. It was Every Breath by Boyce Avenue. I bit down on my bottom lip, I felt Ichigo take the scarf off.

"Oh my god." I said staring at how my backyard decorated.

The trees covered with little lights you'd normally put on a X-mas tree, but they were colored white and not red and green. My whole backyard felt like I was in Heaven, I hate using the following reference but it reminded me of the scene in Twilight were Bella and Edward are dancing.

"Ichigo, why?" I asked barely stringing together a sentence.

"Think of it as an apology and a start to something new." Ichigo said softly

I covered my face; I was shy, nervous and thinking of what was going to happen. Ichigo took my hand and smiled.

"Come on don't be shy." He said

"I hate you." I growled with a smile on my face.

"Like I said, I'll change your mind by the end of the night." He said taking me to the middle of the backyard were ground seemed to get smoother.

The song switched to the acoustic version of Change your Mind by Boyce Avenue. I blushed and remember that song describing a guy and a girl who never went out but the guy wanted to change her mind.

He put his hands on waist, I put my arms around his neck and from there we started to dance, even though I hated dancing, I enjoyed his embrace. Ichigo is different, he was stubborn, mean, and always wearing a scowl on his face, but he's changed. Now he stays at my side promises me he won't leave me alone, and keeps me smiling. _What is exactly going on in my head, my heart says he's different, he'll keep me safe, and my heart is saying, you like him so why deny it any longer?_

The song switched to Fall for you a cover done by Michael Henry and Justin Robinett, I blushed dark red and buried my face in his chest. I could hear his heart beat, he was more nervous than me.

"So now you're shy?" Ichigo laughed

"Shut up." I mumbled holding back a smile

"You know, it's amazing that we stuck with each other for so many years." Ichigo said

"I know, I don't know how I deal with you." I laugh

"I should be saying that, you're a hand full." Ichigo laughed

"Hey! That's mean." I pushed away from him and looked into his eyes.

"Tonight will be the night I will fall for you don't make me change my mind." The song said

Ichigo leaned in and kissed me, I was caught off guard but quickly fell into his arms. My heart was racing faster and faster, his arms around my waist pulling me closer, I felt comfortable. Instead of being tense I was actually relaxed.

"You always thought I was stronger, I may have failed, but I have loved you from the start." The song continued.

I pulled away and looked at Ichigo, my heart skipped a beat. His face was red and mine was probably just as red. But the kiss felt so right…I smiled and hugged Ichigo.

"Thank you, Thank you for everything." I said my eyes becoming watery.

"It was my promise to you, one I don't intend on breaking." Ichigo said as he hugged me back.

"AWWWWW!" I heard a loud voice scream

I pushed away from Ichigo and looked in Orihime and Rangiku's direction; I gasped and ran into the house and straight into my room.

_Is this even right, no? _Hell_ I don't care; it feels right so it must be right. _


	17. Chapter 16: Wait so it's official

Author's Note: Kind of lemony, like I said in my profile. I do not write lemons, my friend writes them because she's weird like that. I don't understand why i make friends with weird people. :p

* * *

The Love & Hate between us

Chapter 16: Wait so it's official?

I was dying in my bedroom from embarrassment that I experienced downstairs, I sighed heavily into my pillow my cheeks blazing.

"Namie let me in." I heard Ichigo call

"No." I called

"Come on it wasn't that bad." Ichigo said trying to clam me down.

I growled and opened the door; he was smiling but trying to be serious at the same time. It was funny but this night was too much, in both ways. Ichigo closed the door behind me and got me smile.

"Why are they here?" I asked looking at him

"I don't know, maybe to clean up." Ichigo shrugged

I leaned up against the wall and slide down to the floor. The affect of the "party" was still there. It made my heart beat faster and faster since Ichigo was in my room. He sat down next to me.

"Why are you still embarrassed? I should have been more shy, Orihime pushed it on me. Since I always talk about you to her she thought it was time." Ichigo looking at the teddy bear he had taken off my bed.

"Shut up, it just caught me off guard is all." I mumbled as I got up so I can take off the makeup.

I went to open my make-up draw but it didn't open, I growled and fought with it. In the time that I was struggling Ichigo was laughing.

"If you think your such a manly man, then you open it." I snapped as I grabbed my teddy bear from him.

"Fine." Ichigo said with a smile

He got up and walked over to my draw, with a strong tug the draw opened. I growled and playfully pushed Ichigo away.

"I loosened it for you." I said with a playful smile.

"Whatever you say, honestly I didn't wanna open it. You don't need it." Ichigo said looking at me while I took off my makeup.

"Well I'll be using less." I shrugged

"How about you use none." Ichigo suggested as he took my eyeliner

I gasped and pouted. "Ichi, please! Give it back." I said as I tippy toed in attempts to reach it as he held it above his head.

"No. Come and get it." He teased.

"Fine you wanna play it like that." I growled I took my lipgloss and uncapped it. "I hope you like cherry lips." I said getting closer to Ichigo.

"No, you put that on me I'll be upset." Ichigo said glaring at me

"Then give me back my eyeliner." I tried to deal with him, make it a win-win situation for the both of us.

Ichigo backed up to my bed and fell down bringing me down with him. I fell on top of him and blushed a dark red. I dropped the lipgloss and tried to push myself off of him, he shook his head and wrapped his arms around me bringing my body closer to his.

"Well I didn't think we'd end up here tonight." Ichigo said softly into my ear.

I blushed, my cheeks super hot. Ichigo was never like this before. _What the hell is Orihime doing to him? Brainwashing him! No I can't…it just doesn't feel right. But it's Ichigo, he'll understand._ The power suddenly shut off.

"I'll fix that!" Orihime yelled

I laughed nervously, now it was dark and Ichigo still had his hands around my waist. I leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips, I pulled away teasing him. I heard Ichigo growl little, he finally kissed me his lips crashed into mine. My heart was racing faster and faster, I wanted to pull away, I really did but I just stood there kissing him as he sat up, so I would be sitting on his lap.

"I'm not forcing this on you." Ichigo whispered

"I know, I don't know what I want." I said with a sigh

"I understand, but I don't want you to do it then regret it." Ichigo said softly

My room was fairly lit due to the moonlight shining through my window, he was concerned I can see it in his eyes. I considered myself damaged, and far beyond repair but Ichigo didn't see me that way. He just saw me as a normal girl.

"I won't regret it." I said softly. "I just don't know." I said with a long sigh

Ichigo kissed my neck and then my shoulder, I closed my eyes. He didn't proceed any further because he didn't wanna feel like he was forcing me.

"I don't know Ichi." I said softly

"Don't worry about it." Ichigo said softly

I kissed Ichigo and started to unbutton his shirt, Ichigo took my hand when I was on the last button. I guess he saw the fact that I was thinking about something else.

"I could tell you don't want to, I'm not forcing you. So stop forcing yourself. I could tell you don't want to do it." Ichigo said softly as he made me look at him

He was right, my heart was telling me not to do it and the same with my mind. For once they actually agreed with each other. Ichigo kissed me softly and made me smile.

"Stay with me tonight." I said softly.

"Alright." Ichigo said softly

I got off of Ichigo and let him go to his room. What was I thinking, I didn't want to yet I felt like I had to. I locked the door and went into my bathroom.


	18. Chapter 17: All the things she said

The Love & Hate between us

Chapter 17: All the things she said (Ichigo's view)

When I walked back to Namie's room and went to open the door it wouldn't open, I knocked on the door a little suspicious trying not to think about what she could possibly doing.

"Namie?" I said through the darkness hoping Orihime would get the lights on.

"Ichigo what's going on?" I heard Orihime called

"Nothing." I said trying to reassure her so she won't freak out.

I knocked on Namie's door again, this time it open. Namie yawned and looked at me.

"What's with the panic?" She said looking at me

"I just...nevermind." I said trying to keep myself quiet

She looked at me her arms cross over her chest, I sighed and looked at her trying not to make it obvious that I was looking for cuts.

"What are you looking for?" She asked

"Nothing." I answered lying through my teeth

She shook her head and let me into her room, I had changed my clothes and took a shower and she did the same. She was in black shorts and a purple long sleeve tshirt. She closed the door and took my hand and led me to the bed. Namie was all smiles but she always was so it made me think something was actually going on. We both laid down and looked at each other, she wrapped her arms around me and kissed me on the lips.

"Feeling better?" I asked before kissing her back on the lips.

"Yeah." she said as of she wasn't sure.

"What's going on?" I asked taking her hand

"Nothing. Just been thinking is all." She said quietly

"About what?" I asked looking at her in the eyes.

She shrugged not giving me a straight forward answer, she kissed me on the lips and wrapped her arms around me. I knew she was sad, about what I wasn't sure. I decided to tickle her, she started to giggle. She pushed me away and looked at me. I pinned her down to the bed and kissed her on the lips, she struggled against my grip but eventually relaxed. I pulled away teasing her trying to see how strong she was.

"Ichi that's not fair." She pouted.

"So, you teased me before." I countered

"So what I'm able to do it." She said glaring at me

She started to struggle against my grip again trying to get me off of her. I love that she was struggling so hard, but I also loved that she was having fun.

"Come on Ichi, this isn't fair." she whined

I kissed her lips and then her neck, she let out a low moan into my ear that sent chills down my spine. I kissed her neck again and started to suck a little.

"Ichi." She said as she moaned.

I loosened my grip on her wrist and kissed her neck even more, she tried her hardest to keep herself quiet but she couldn't.

"S-s-stop it Ichi." She moaned

This girl under me was the one I've had a crush on for years, the very one who I yelled at maybe three weeks ago about Takashi. The one who kept teasing me about all the feelings I've had for her for months. Now she's moaning my name.

I kissed her neck and moved down closer to her chest, I then moved back up and realized I wouldn't push her if she didn't want me to. I kissed her neck and then bite down, she immediately reacted and arched her back just a little.

"Ichi!" she moaned

I smiled and looked at her, she was glaring at me but she had this sparkle in her eye that said everything to me.

"I hate you." She growled as she took her turn to attempt to pin me to the bed.

I let her and she smiled like she had some kind of plan up her sleeve, she kissed me her fingers laced with mine. I felt her lips leave mine and went straight to my neck, she bit down on my neck with the tiny little fangs she has.

I hugged her tighter to my chest feeling the sharp pain from her bite. She bites turned to soft kisses over time and her kisses turned to soft sucking on the skin of my neck.

"Namie." I moaned into her ear.

She pulled away happy that her name was on my lips, she kissed me softly and laid on my chest, her body still on mine. She eventually got off and laid by my side, but as I hugged her I realized she wasn't wearing a bra. I felt my cheeks get hot, I kissed her neck softly hoping she'd go to sleep without a problem.


	19. Chapter 18: When you hurt the 1 you love

The Love & Hate between us

Chapter 18: When you hurt the one you love

I woke up to the sun in my eyes, I guess the weather was wrong about rain today. I shrugged and got up. And took a shower, I was happy about last night the fact Ichigo spent the night with me in my room, but I was also happy that he didn't notice my wrist. I got out of the shower and covered my cuts up with bandages. I looked at my neck and saw a hickey, I screamed at the top of my lungs I didn't think it would show up.

"No. No. No. No." I started to trash my bathroom looking for concealer.

Then I started to remember when was the last time I needed it, last month when I started to freak out about test and when I needed to cover up bruises. I looked in my bag and sighed in relief, I covered it up and smiled.

"Namie what happened! Are you okay?" Ichigo came into my room.

"Um, yeah. Now can you get out of my bathroom." I quickly looked away from his bare chest.

My body was wrapped in a towel so I felt really uncomfortable, Ichigo smiled and looked at the side of my neck where I covered up the mark.

"You covered it up?" He asked

"Yeah." I said blushing

Ichigo kissed my lips and then my neck. "Stop it Ichi. We have school today." I said softly trying not to give in.

"I know, but your up early." he said softly.

"What time is it?" I asked

"Only 6am." He said

"We have two hours before we need to leave my house." I said softly

Ichigo kissed my neck and wrapped his arms around my waist. I bit my lips and tried not to say his name. My body shuddered a little.

"Come on Ichi, we shouldn't." I said softly

"Why not?" His voice making me shiver just slightly.

"Because." I said not really giving an answer.

"Alright." Ichigo said softly kissing me on the lips.

I looked at his neck and noticed I left bite marks and small hickey. "Wow I'm like a vampire." I said as I switched my gaze to the mirror so I can look at my fangs.

"Yeah, it didn't hurt but it left a mark." Ichigo said looking at his neck.

I took out my concealer and covered the hickey and mark. I giggled in the process because it was so much fun to put make up on Ichigo.

"Well at least it's covered, doesn't hide the fact that it's sore." Ichigo laughed

"Stop being so mean! At least I'm covering it for you." I said pushing him away slightly

He grabbed the wrist with the cuts, I winced in pain and looked away.

"Aren't they healed yet?" Ichigo asked

"No." I answered as I withdrew my hands from his grip quickly.

"They should be, let me look." Ichigo said as he gently took my wrist

"No I'll be fine." I said as I withdrew my wrist from his grip again.

"What's going on?" Ichigo asked as he looked at me

I shook my head went to put on eyeliner, when I looked in the mirror I saw Ichigo looking at me his eyes filled with concern, I bit on my bottom lip and tried to avoid his gaze.

"Ichigo, I said I'm fine." I said with a fake smile trying my hardest to reassure him.

"Would you just stop lying to me." Ichigo said his voice serious and cold.

"I'm not lying!" I snapped

"Namie-" Ichigo started but I cut him off quickly.

"Get out of my room, I don't wanna talk to you." I snapped

Ichigo mumbled something under his breathe and left my room without another word. I sighed and looked in my mirror. _Why are we always fighting over the small stuff, just let me do what I want to do. It's my body._

I dropped my makeup and went to put on my uniform, I decided I was going in early and no one could stop me. I can't stand being in the same house with him if all he is gonna do is interrogate me. I left my room and downstairs it wasn't fair to me.

"Namie you wanna walk to school together?" I heard Orihime ask

"No I think I'm gonna leave early. You know take test that I miss and stuff." I said making a quick but truthfully excuse.

"Oh, okay. I guess I'll ask if Uryu wants to take me. Is Ichigo taking you?" She called

I didn't answer her and went to the kitchen where I saw Ichigo sitting down. I attempted to quickly walk into the kitchen and get a Starbucks coffee that comes in a small bottle.

"Namie, I know you don't wanna talk but just hear me out." I heard Ichigo say

"No." I said simply.

"Why not?" I heard him ask

I didn't answer and bit my bottom lip. Ichigo closed the fridge and looked at me.

"You promised me you'll stop." Ichigo said taking my hand lacing them with his.

"I don't understand why your so concerned! It's not like I'm killing myself!" I snapped

"You are!" Ichigo snapped

"No I'm not, now will you drop it." I snapped back

This is how it starts, since Ichigo and I are both stubborn and hard-headed we never back down from an argument until a winner is noticed. But this time I can feel that it's not gonna end well. I don't understand why he just doesn't leave me alone and let me do what I want.

"I'm not gonna drop it!" Ichigo yelled pushing me against the wall.

"Leave me alone Ichigo!" I yelled

"You don't understand do you?" Ichigo snapped.

I can see the anger in Ichigo's eyes the fact that he was upset, no, upset is just an understatement, he was furious.

"The promise you made is important!" Ichigo snapped

"I said leave me alone!" I said running away from him

"Namie do you remember when your mother took you to my father's clinic?" Ichigo asked

I stopped dead in my tracks, I was just 10 feet away from my room but I started to remember that night. The night my mother took me to Ichigo's father so that he could stitch me up for a cut that went to deep.

"The night we made that promise when you were lying in my arms crying over your father!" Ichigo yelled

I shook my head and ran into my room and slammed the door loudly.

"I hate you! I fucking hate you!" I screamed into a pillow. "I regret everything, I regret coming to this fucking town."


	20. Chapter 19: Just Stop

The Love & Hate between us

Chapter 19: Just stop!

"Ichigo relax!" I heard Orihime yell

"I can't stand it when she does that!" Ichigo yelled, then I heard the door slam.

Tears streaming down my cheeks, the knife that was hidden under a pack of cotton balls now above the wrist. Drops of blood falling into the bathroom sink, four new small cuts above my wrist. I dropped the small knife into the sink and looked at my shaky right hand, I leaned up against the slowly sliding down onto the floor. I heard my door open and the Orihime's voice.

"Namie...NAMIE!" Orihime ran to my side.

"I'm sorry Orihime." I said weakly through tears.

"No it's not your fault sis, you'll be okay. I swear." Orihime took tissues and held it against my arm.

Orihime was dressed in black shorts and a blue oversized shirt, she took out her phone and quickly dialed a number, I assumed it was Ichigo.

"Hold it against your arm." She instructed. "Ichigo please come back, we need you. Namie needs you." Her voice shaky she was obviously trying to hold back tears.

"Orihime I don't need Ichigo's help." I said holding the tissue down.

"Please Namie, just please let him help you, you can barely get up." Orihime's voice truly showed her concern for me.

I closed my eyes and tried to breath, my heart was racing. The fact that I was cutting and then caught made it beat even faster. The fact that I'm reliving the past is making me even more scared. Minutes Later I felt my body being lifted off the ground and carried.

My wrist bleeding more then usually and this time my mother caught me in my bathroom. She asked why and all I could do is cry. My father's death traumatized me, she blamed herself for it and now she's drinking. I didn't need this so the only way to get away was to cut.

Were visiting this place Karakura and the only place close bag was some small Clinic, I this man patched me up. I also met his son, and wow was he weird, bright orange hair but he was nice. I kept myself away until I realized he was my only friend who really understood me, he hated the fact that I was cutting and made me promise to stop. I promised but kept doing it behind his back, he never found out and hopefully never will.

"She'll be fine, all she needs is some rest. Now lets leave." I heard Isshin. "Ichigo, that means you as well."

"I'll stay here." Ichigo said softly

"She's going to be fine." Isshin repeated.

"I heard you fine dad, I just don't think it's going to stop." Ichigo said his voice sounded defeated.

"This isn't the best way she can sort out her emotions but she's been doing it for years. Since her mother bought her into our clinic for the first time. Remember?" Isshin asked

"Yeah, she was cutting because of her father's death. Not only that but her mother always blamed herself and always drank." Ichigo said fully aware of my history.

"Why didn't you stop her then?" Isshin asked

"I thought I did. I really thought I did. I made her promise me she'll stop. I guess it didn't work." Ichigo said trying to hide the sadness in his voice.

"She just needs a different way to vent Ichigo. You just need to help her find that way. You can stay but don't do anything rash." I heard Isshin said, I heard the door close.

I opened my eyes and slowly sat up in the bed, my head in pain, I ignored the pain and looked at Ichigo who was sitting down on a gray chair with his face buried in his hands.

"Ichi." I said softly

"Hm." was all he said.

"I'm sorry." I said softly

"Yeah." Ichigo said.

"Ichigo please answer me." I pleaded annoyed with the short answers he was giving me.

"What do you want me to say?" Ichigo asked. "I'm trying to remember the times were a promise meant the world to you. I'm trying to remember the girl who came to me when she needed help." Ichigo said looking at me. "But I'm having a problem remembering."

"I'm sorry, I just have problems trusting people. Please understand that." I told Ichigo.

"So you don't trust me?" Ichigo asked his voice sharp like a knife.

"No, I do. I just I don't know." I said frustrated. "You know what...I'm sorry I'm not perfect and that I'm damaged but it's not my fault."

"Namie that's not what I meant!" Ichigo said as he got up and sat next to me on the bed. "It's just that I want you to trust me, to be able to come to me and tell me you need help. I want you to stop and I know it's going to take time. But maybe you need time away." Ichigo said looking at me in the eyes.

"I don't want to leave." I growled.

"Maybe you need to, you need time away. I'm sorry but that's how it is." Ichigo said letting go of my hand before he left the room.

* * *

Author's Note: Sorry the chapter was short, I was really sleepy. But I tried. :0


	21. Chapter 20: Gone and Away

The Love & Hate between us

Chapter 20: Gone and away

"Wait so you're not giving me a choice!" I yelled after him

The door opened and Ichigo came back in, the door closed behind him, he gave me a stern serious look.

"This is my life not yours!" I shouted

"Look, it's what's best for you." Ichigo said calmly.

"What's best for me? What are you talking about? I know what's best for me? How the hell would you know?" I snapped giving him an attitude.

"My father thinks it's good for you too. Namie look at yourself and tell me did you truly want to start this?" Ichigo asked as he crossed his arms.

I stood quiet and looked into the mirror, my hair tied in a messy ponytail. The girl staring back at me in the mirror wasn't happy with everything going on. She wanted to be happy, hell she wanted to know happiness. She would have been floating on water if her father didn't die, she would be treading water if her mother didn't blame herself for it and started to drink, she wouldn't be drowning if it wasn't for the fact that she fell for some guy who was hurting her in the long run.

"No right? Then please just call your aunt and tell her you want to go back." Ichigo said using the word please.

"Fine, I'll take the test before I go. Unless you already have an arrangement with the teachers about my test too." I said looking at him.

"Yeah my father told them you'll be able to come in for the next week and a half." Ichigo said giving me dates.

"Week and a half, that's really long. What about homework?" I asked

"They said as long as you check your email you should be fine." Ichigo replied with a shrug. "Now will you call her?"

I nodded weakly, sad that Ichigo was pushing me so hard to actually get out of Karakura for awhile. But I was also said that I had to call my aunt. Ichigo handed me my cell phone, I dialed her number and sighed as it rang.

"Namie! I feel like it's been forever. How are you?" My aunt asked

"I'm okay I guess. Can I ask you for a favor?" I asked biting on my bottom lip.

"Well that's a silly question, of course you can." She answered.

"Well I was wondering can I stay over for the next week and a half." I asked

"Of course you can but what about school?" She asked

"I got it covered." I answered.

"Well that's great, but is there something going on?" She asked me her voice full of question and concern.

I stood quite and closed my eyes letting a tear roll down my cheek. "No there isn't anything going on." I lied trying my hardest not to give myself up.

"Okay Namie, I guess I'll tell the photographers about your visit." She said her voice quickly changed from concern to loud and excited.

"I'll have a driver pick you up later on tonight." She said

"Yeah, see you later." I said weakly as I hang up the phone. "Are you happy now?" I asked

"Look, I'm not doing this to torture you." Ichigo said as he kissed my forehead.

"You're a liar." I mumbled

"How am I a liar?" Ichigo asked me

"Because you know my aunt is a big deal. She's gonna be calling photographers over and shit." I answered annoyed with him.

"Well that's not my fault. Just have fun and try not to get yourself into trouble." Ichigo said kissing me on the lips.

I laughed and sighed, I didn't want to leave Ichigo, but for the most part I guess he was right. If I want to get better this isn't the best place to do it. Who knows maybe everything will be better out there, no school, no stress, no having to deal with stupid guys. I guess I can say I'm looking forward to it.

"What about Orihime and everyone else?" I asked

"Well Orihime knows and we are going to take of the house. As for everyone else they think your away on some family thing." Ichigo said running his fingers through my hair.

There was silence between us and it made me uncomfortable. I sighed and yawned.

"Namie, I'm sorry, about before. I didn't mean to push you." Ichigo said softly

I heard his words but I don't think I can accept his apology just yet; he went too far last night.

"I'm guessing by your silence that you're not accepting my apology just yet." Ichigo said his voice soft.

"Yeah, not yet. That's like me bringing up your." I said implying his mother's death.

"Yeah I understand." Ichigo putting his hands around my waist

More filler silence filled the room; I stood in Ichigo's arms and listened to his heartbeat over and over again.

"What time is your driver coming?" Ichigo asked

"I don't know, tonight." I said shrugging not sure of the time.

We stood silent; I sat in Ichigo's lap trying to relax before I go home to pack for an unexpected trip to my aunt's house. This trip isn't going to be awesome, I know it's not.

* * *

Author's Note: Sorry it's kind of late, I've been sleeping on and off lately. Thanks to Halloween. ANYWAYS! Hope everyone has a safe and wonderful Halloween.

Happy Halloween. :D


	22. Chapter 21: Never Slows Down

Author's Note: I've been working on this all day. Holiday for me tomorrow and Tuesday! Can't wait to get my Escape The Fate CD!

* * *

The Love & Hate between us

Chapter 21: Never slows down

I said my goodbyes to everyone, seemed like I'd never be coming back. Orihime was crying and Renji just didn't seem to understand why I had to leave. I got in the car my aunt sent for me and looked at Ichigo.

"You have my number, if anything happens call." Ichigo said with a smile

"You won't come so there is no reason to call." I shrugged being negative.

"You never know." Ichigo teased

"Don't get my hopes up like that." I glared

Ichigo smiled, I kissed him on the cheek and told the driver to go. I didn't want to leave. I hated leaving, but I guess he had a reason. I never slowed down to think about how much I'm hurting people, and then there are the times were I'm alone and I feel like everything is crashing down. But now hopefully everything will be better, and I won't have to hurt people anymore.

The driver drove into the garage and smiled. "Looks like we're here. You ready?" He asked. This driver was nice, one of the awesome ones. We got to know each other during the drive here so I guess we bonded. He was about 25 so he said he knows how it feels to leave, from there we sparked.

"Yeah." I said with a long sigh.

The photographers were outside waiting for me to step out. _Why did my aunt make a big deal about me arriving? It's not like I'm that special._ The driver took my stuff and opened the door for me. I smiled and walked to the front door as quickly as possible, the driver protecting me from all the idiots trailing behind me.

"Welcome home Namie!" My aunt screamed as she ran to me and hugged me tightly.

"Can we go inside before I can mauled to death?" I said trying to push away from my aunt.

We went inside and wait for the driver to stop yelling at the photographers. He locked the door and took a deep breath.

"Damn they are beast!" He said

I laughed and smiled. "Well it seems like you have bonded with Katsu. Isn't he amazing?" My aunt said with a smile.

"Yeah, he's really cool." I said with a smile.

"Well he'll be your person body guard for your duration." She said with a smile.

"I'll protect her with my life Ayumi." Katsu said repeating the same lines Ichigo once said.

I looked away and sighed, I guess this is what people feel when they aren't with their boyfriends or girlfriends.

"Are you alright Namie?" my aunt asked catching my attention.

"Yeah." I answered looking around what I called a mansion.

The house was huge had about 13 rooms and plus some, from the outside the house looks like it was extended. The hallway was well light and bright, expensive pictures and drawings hung from the walls giving me the awesome feeling out being in an art museum.

"Guess what I got a surprise for you!" Ayumi said taking my hand leading me up two flights of wooden stairs that were covered by black carpet.

"Can you not rush!" I said almost tripping over my own two feet.

"Sorry but it's so exciting." She said slowing down slightly.

The halls wide and decorated by paintings I had sent her over the course of the years, they were framed and put on display. I smiled and kept following my aunt until we came across this room, she bought me inside. The room was not only huge but it was like an apartment.

"It's sorta like your home away from home. It's an art studio slash bedroom slash wonderland. Take a look around." She said with a big smile.

It was huge, the walls were painted white, the bedroom was amazing on the far end of the room was 10 cans of paint each different colors.

"I know how you like to paint your room so I bought them just for you." Ayumi said with a soft smile.

"Thank you." I said

"Your welcome. I missed you so much!" She said hugging me her voice cracking, I know she was crying.

I smiled and hugged her back; I felt like this is what a real mother is supposed to do. Even though I remember my mother being just like this she changed and it just didn't feel the same anymore. She drank and she was never the same, even now if I bring her up I'll just remember the tiny details of what happened and what happened to me and my father.

"Well you change and we'll eat if you're hungry." She said pulling away wiping the tears away.

My aunt was beautiful and young, only in her late twenties. She had clean porcelain skin and did everything in her power to keep herself in shape. She finally stopped worrying about her weight and what she ate when she realized she was trying too hard. She now eats regularly and normally no weird healthy foods that taste like cardboard.

She went downstairs and closed the door behind her leaving me in this big empty room by myself. I went into the closet and saw all the clothes.

"Damn, what did she do buy the whole mall?" I mumbled to myself.

It was organized from skirts, shorts, skinny jeans, to leggings. The shirts ranged from the length of the sleeves to the color of the shirt, then there were shoes, and there was a ton of them. I picked put a black skirt that was about 5 or 6 inches above my knees, I put on a pair of socks. I searched for a long sleeve shirt but eventually got annoyed; I finally found a really pretty dark purple long sleeve shirt enough to hide my scars. I sighed and went downstairs, my heart beating fast, why am I nervous? I shouldn't be nervous.

"Namie someone is here for you." Katsu said as he approached me.

"Do you happen to know who?" I asked playing with my rings.

"No, it's a young man, dark brown hair, green eyes, ring any bells?" Katsu asked with a soft smile trying to put me at ease.

Katsu was nice, reminded me of Renji. Katsu had hair like Ichigo but dark brown with brown eyes like Ichigo. Every feature Katsu had reminded me of Ichigo.

"Nope." I said shrugging

"Want me to tell him to leave?" Katsu asked

"No, let me see him first." I smiled

Katsu nodded and lead me down the stairs. I peered over the railing and saw the guy Katsu was talking about. I shook my head and backed up; I tripped and fell on my butt.

"Namie are you alright?" Katsu asked as he ran to my side.

"Yeah, just me acting clumsy." I said lying through my teeth.

Katsu saw right through my lie and gave me a serious look; he sighed and picked me up.

"Be more careful next time." He whispered in my ear.

"Yeah." I said softly

Hayate was down stairs and well not the person I wanna see. I swallowed hard and went back up stairs.

"Namie, what's going on?" Katsu asked as he grabbed my hand.

"I'm not hungry." I said softly

"Is it because of the company downstairs?" He asked looking at me in the eyes searching for an answer. "I'll tell him to go then."

Katsu went downstairs and talked to Hayate, I let out a sigh of relief when he left. I went downstairs and met Katsu at the bottom step.

"Thank you." I said softly.

"Your welcome." He said with a smile, but when I looked him in the eye I saw a hint of concern in his eyes.

Hayate was a good friend of mine and but we stopped talking when I left Kanan years ago. I guess facing him again would only make me sad. I went into the dining room, my jaw dropped.

"Wow, this is really amazing." I said

All the guards were sitting at the table, all waiting for Katsu and I. "Everyone this is Namie." Ayumi said introducing me to the whole guard service.

"Nice to meet you." They all said almost all together.

"Um, Hello." I said with a soft smile.

I didn't eat much so I excused myself after I talked with everyone at the table. I was starting to feel homesick. I missed my friends, I missed Ichigo, and maybe I just need to call him. I went upstairs quietly and into my huge room. I turned on my iHome and listened to some songs by Escape the Fate. I dung out my phone out of my bag and called Ichigo.

"Hey how are you doing?" Ichigo asked

"I don't know, in the middle." I said with a sigh as I shrugged

"How is your aunt's house?" Ichigo asked

"Bigger than before, I have liked my own apartment inside this house." I said looking around.

"Sounds like fun, Orihime misses you." Ichigo said switching the subject.

"Tell her I miss her too. I've only been here for an hour or two and I feel like I wanna go home." I said playing with my dark blue bed spread.

"You'll be fine; I bet your aunt is going to keep you busy this week." Ichigo said his voice seemed like he was kind of sad.

"Yeah, she says she has surprises for me this week and I'm scared because I don't know what they are." I said trying to keep the conversation going.

"I'm sure everything will be fine. Try to get some sleep, you sound sleepy." Ichigo said.

"Alright. I'll talk to you later. Night." I said softly.

"Night Namie." Ichigo said

I hung up my phone and threw it at my pillow, I was annoyed, Ichigo kept changing the subject not letting me tell him I wanna go home, well it's not like he'll let me go home. I rolled up my sleeves and started to unpack my clothes and homework. I put my homework on the table and looked at all the packets. I growled and just shook my head, _I'll do it, I'll do it later._

"Hey Namie, you alright?" I heard someone ask

I quickly rolled down my sleeves and looked at my door. "Yeah I'm fine." I answered looking at Katsu hoping he wouldn't see through my lie.

"I know we haven't known each other long but if you need someone to talk to I'm here." Katsu said looking at me; he obviously knew I was lying. He was going to close my door but I ran after him.

"Wait so I can talk to you whenever I want?" I asked

"Yeah." Katsu answered with a soft smile.

"Thank you." I said softly.

"Your welcome kid." Katsu said as he closed my door.

I smiled and sighed, something is going to happen, and I know it. I just need to relax and avoid any stressful situations.


	23. Chapter 22: Let me go

Author's Note: Sorry it took so long to update...a lot of stuff going on right now. Plus I'm getting sick. I'm hoping to drop Spanish so I'm in the middle of that as well. review please. :)

* * *

The Love & Hate between us

Chapter 22: Let me go

One day down a too many more to count, I didn't bother keeping track of how many days left I have here. This place isn't as bad as I thought nothing to stressful and everyone is nice. I just wonder what my aunt has in store for me; I don't really feel like doing anything but I know she'll have something up her sleeve.

I got dressed after I took a shower in a pair of light grey skinny jeans and a purple shirt. I searched for my black arm warmers and put them on my arm to hide the scars. I decided to leave my converse in my bag and put on the black stylish heels my aunt bought for me, only two or three inches taller but I felt like I could fall at any given moment. I yawned and fixed my hair running my fingers through hair I styled it with moose. I left my room and went downstairs, my heels clicking against the wooden floor.

"I hope I don't fall." I kept mumbling to myself with each step I took.

I finally made it to the ground floor, I didn't fall but there was always time for falling.

"Namie, you're awake! How did you sleep?" my aunt greeted me with a smile and a cup of coffee.

"Thank you, I slept pretty well actually." I said softly

"That's good, are you up to hanging out today?" She asked with a smile.

"Sure, what did you have in mind?" I asked drinking my coffee that tasted like heaven in a cup.

"Well I had an agent book you for modeling." She said softly.

"You what?" I said nearly choking on my coffee.

"Come on Namie! You're perfect for it! It's just a photo shoot…or two…maybe more." She said with a smile trying to play it off.

"UGH! I have no choice right? I guess I'll go." I said shaking my head.

"So you're forcing her to go too?" A voice said

I nearly jumped out of my skin when Katsu appeared behind me; he laughed and patted my head.

"I'm not forcing her Katsu, she made the choice." Ayumi said pouting.

"Well all know that's a lie. Don't worry; she's forced me to go as well so you're not alone." Katsu said with a smile.

Katsu was just amazing, he was buff all muscle and probably under his black v-neck shirt was a hard 8 pack waiting to be touched. Oh and those jeans just make his butt look awesome. _What the hell am I doing? This guy is older than me! I have a boyfriend…well not a boyfriend…an almost boyfriend…still I shouldn't be checking him out! Snap out of it Namie! _

"Namie you alright?" Katsu asked flashing his perfect smile in my direction.

I was staring into my cup of coffee, I started to think about Ichigo and how much I use to flirt with him when we were younger and how much we drifted apart after that. I put him through hell, made him chase me, so that he can find out what's been going on.

"It's not fair to him." I said letting the words slip from my lips.

"What's not fair?" Katsu asked

"OH! Nothing!" I said looking away from Katsu.

"Right." Katsu said with his voice sounding like he didn't believe me.

After everyone ate breakfast Katsu drove us to this hall where the photo shoot was taking place. I was nervous and I couldn't but look nervous. The car came to a stop, I got out of the car and took a deep breath. I could tell this was probably the more urban and more expensive area. Everything was artsy you had an art museum across the street, a photography gallery and many other places. Katsu put his arm around my shoulder and lead me into the Hall, my aunt leading us. To me Katsu was feeling more and more like Ichigo, this is bad.

The Hall was dark but the hallways were glowing with lights that ranged from light blue to light purple. I was in awe that as we continued to walk I realized this photo shoot wouldn't be so bad, it was more of my style anyway.

"This place is amazing!" I said with a smile.

"Right! I knew you would like it!" My aunt said as she kept walking I could hear the excitement in her voice.

We finally entered the main room, the props were all stuff you'd find at your local Hot Topic or maybe stuff you'd buy online. I didn't want to call it emo, maybe scene, I wasn't sure but the models didn't look like normal scene kids.

"Lovely you're here Ayumi!" a women shouted over the loud Escape the Fate music.

"Yeah and I bought Namie and Katsu!" My aunt said with a smile as she hugged the woman who was shouting.

"Oh my! You were right she is beautiful! Nice to meet you I'm Yuki, we are just going to put you in clothes and makeup and we'll have you out to take pictures." Yuki said with a smile as she took me and lead me into a room colored a powder blue.

"Make her look cute but dark. Work your magic." Yuki said

"Alright." The makeup artist said with a smile.

I counted the minutes on the black clock hanging on the wall, it took them 45 minutes to get me all dolled up. 45 freaking minutes, I stood still like a doll. I the clothes they put on me made me feel so uncomfortable. A short zebra skirt maybe 6 or 7 inches above my knees, a red Skeleanimal shirt with Daxx on it and high heels. My hair was teased to its limits and I felt like fake…this wasn't me. The makeup consisted of light eyeliner but pink and red eyeshadow.

I stood in front of the camera and that's when everything started to flow, I worked the camera like I owned it, I took pictures like I was a model right out of the magazine. But as soon as Katsu came out in Black jeans and no shirt my jaw dropped and my heart stopped.

"Katsu act like Namie is your girlfriend." Yuki instructed

I started to freak, Katsu's hair was spiky and they put on a fake ear piercing…or at least I think it is fake. Katsu stood behind me and held me tightly, defensively, like Ichigo. I couldn't focus on what I was doing; all I could focus on was Katsu's hands around my waist. But every picture we took was perfect.

And hour later I felt myself getting light headed, they got all the pictures they needed and that's when I rushed to my room they assigned me. I took a few deep breaths and tried to relax, I snapped the rubber band against my wrist a couple of times so that I wouldn't cry. I took off the makeup and put on the clothes I came in with. I took the Skeleanimal shirt and the plushie of Daxx Yuki gave me. Luckily they let me keep the gloves.

"I want to leave…" I mumbled to myself

I pulled myself together and walked out of the room, Katsu stood there looking at me, giving me the same look Ichigo would give me when he knew there was something wrong. I started to walk away but Katsu took my hand and pulled me back.

"Namie –" I cut him off, I knew what he was going to ask.

"I'm fine Katsu." I said shaking my head slightly.

"You're not fine, come on what's going on?" He asked looking at me…I hated that he reminded me of Ichigo.

"Just drop it Ichi." I mumbled. "I mean Katsu. Just let me go!"

Katsu let me go; I left as soon as he let me go. _I let his name slip…I caught myself…it just bothers me that I called him Ichi. I don't know what to do anymore. _


	24. Chapter 23: Lies

The Love & Hate between us

Chapter 23: Lies

As soon as we got home I went upstairs and into my room locking the door behind me. I turned my music up loud and dived right into my pillow. I feel like I have a second Ichigo here, he thinks he has everything figured out! I hate this guy!

(Ichigo's View)

I looked up into my Mother's eyes, no, they weren't my mother's eyes. This is some kind of nightmare, my mother died. She had her head wrapped around my throat choking me, her grip tighten.

"Kurosaki, you don't have the strength to fight her." He yelled

"Shut up." I growled

I was still breathing but not for long if her grip tightens. "Fight her back then! You wanna live right? You wanna kill me right or do I have to kill you now and go after your girlfriend?"

"Your not gonna touch!" I yelled

Spirit pressure started to pour out of my body, the women who took on the form of my mother disappeared.

"So that's what pushes you buttons? Your girlfriend! The one who you stupidly sent to visit her aunt! All by herself with no protection! Hahaha" He laughed "I thought you were smart! At any given moment my people can have to surround. Then you'd have to find her."

"You're not going to get that far." I snapped as I got off of the grass.

"Oh really we'll see about that? Would you like to make a wager?" he said

This guy was strong and smart; he had connections, connections to people who were in Namie's area. I was stupid I should have sent someone with her. Even if he is a Real Soul Reaper, he sure is a pain in the ass, just like Aizen.

"I'm not going to place a bet on my girlfriend's life!" I yelled

I would have tried to kill him by now but the field around him was strong and gaining power with each second that passed.

"How much do you love her?" He asked

I stood quiet, I couldn't explain myself, hell I didn't know how to define my relationship with Namie. We have our moments and then we have the fights that seem to go on forever.

"Do you love her?" He asked again "Or is it just some kind of love hate thing?"

Oh how I wish I could kill this guy already! I can't take his cocky attitude, it's like I'm fighting with Renji.

"Let me guess she doesn't know you're a Soul Reaper, I guess I should give her a rude welcoming to the world of hell." He said loudly.

"Stop getting everyone involved! This is a fight between you and me! Leave Namie out of this! Just fight me so I can kick your ass already!" I yelled loudly my spirit pressure rising above the normal.

"We shall continue this another time. I've had enough fun for today." He said vanishing into the ball of fire he created.

I growled the urge to chase him down began to burn deep inside me, the urge to take him and kill him started to burn me.

"He won't attack." Rukia said flash stepping to my side.

"I don't care, it's the fact that he's threatening is enough for me to hunt him down and kill him." I growled through clenched teeth.

"Just leave it; we'll be over there when we can." Rukia said trying to clam me down.

"She has no one to protect her, let me go." I said sheathing my Zanpakto.

"Your job is to defend Karakura, we'll have Renji go." Rukia snapped

"Actually, there is someone already there." Renji said looking at me his face showed no concern.

"Who?" Rukia and I snapped

"The replacement Vice Captain of the 5th Division, Katsu." Renji said with a shrug. "He's been in the real world for quiet sometime now. I met up with a couple of times he told me it was some kind of secret mission for Yamamoto."

"What about Hinamori? Isn't she supposed to take back her spot?" Rukia asked

"She is in absolutely no condition to be acting captain, nor does she have the experience. She is also still in shock about Aizen. She still hasn't come to." Renji shrugged

"I never heard of him before what does he looks like and when did he graduate?" Rukia asked hammering Renji with questions.

"I'm just going to say it, even your brother sort of says it, he looks like Kaien, and he also graduated the same time as Kaien. Yamamoto kept him in the human world because of his mission." Renji studied Rukia.

"Um…I need to leave." Rukia said as she flash stepped

"Aren't you going to go after her?" I asked Renji

"No, she just needs some time to think. She still feels the guilt from having to kill Kaien." Renji said softly.

"She killed her own Vice Captain? Why am I finding out about this now?" I snapped.

"She didn't want anyone to really know, it's a 13th division secret, and I just found it out recently. But she did the right thing, she defended her captain. Long story short, Kaien got turned into a hollow by one of Aizen's creation and Rukia had no choice but to kill him, otherwise Uiktake would have died and Rukia would have died." Renji sitting down on the grass.

"So this guy, Katsu. When did you meet him?" I asked looking out over the River.

"Not so long ago, maybe a week or two ago, I was in the area and we bumped into each other. But why would you send Namie out there?" Renji asked looking at my direction.

"She's having some problems." I said giving as little detail as I can.

"Problems?" Renji echoed

"Yeah, she needs to talk to you about it. She was waiting for you to talk to her but she gave up." I shrugged.

There was silence between the two of us, Renji was concerned about Namie and Rukia and I was just concerned about Namie, if she was really safe with this Katsu guy.


	25. Chapter 24: What's wrong with you

The Love & Hate between us

Chapter 24: What's wrong with you?

My phone vibrated in my pocket, I looked at the caller ID and noticed Ichigo's name. _Now he wants to talk!_ I growled and opened my HTC phone.

"Yes?" I asked lowering the music in my room.

"Namie, is there a guard named Katsu over there?" Ichigo asked not even asking if I was okay or anything, but I sensed the rush in his voice.

"Why?" I asked annoyed with his question and his inconsiderate attitude.

"Just answer me!" Ichigo yelled

"Why don't you fucking lower your voice and I'll think about it!" I yelled back through the phone.

"I can't deal with this right now! Renji talk to her!" Ichigo yelled and handed off his phone to Renji.

"Hey Namie, how you been?" Renji asked his voice clam.

"Good, what's going on? Is someone dying?" I mused

"No, but good guess. Anyway we just wanted to know because we've heard his name around here a couple of times." Renji asked lying to me.

"Yeah, he's my guard." I answered

"Hm, okay. Listen, Ichigo is just stressed out, don't mind him. Just feel better and we'll call you later. Bye Namie." Renji said

I closed my phone and sighed, Ichigo is always like everything is so important. _He's not in charge of protecting the town, so why the hell is he getting pissed?_ But I wasn't over here to figure out why, I was here to get my mind off of all the problems I'm having and well I don't think that's going to happen.

I started to change my clothes from my outfit this morning to shorts and a tang top. I wanted / needed a nap. As soon as I took my shirt off I heard a knock, but it wasn't a knock on my door but it sounded like glass. I looked at my window and saw Ichigo, I screamed at the top of my lungs, scared out of my mind, I saw Ichigo sitting in the tree across from my window.

"Namie!" I heard Katsu knocking on my door urgently.

I stopped screaming and went to open my door, Katsu took me into his arms, out of the corner of my eyes I saw something black, a sword? A gun? He quickly covered my eyes and then uncovered them a few minutes later.

"You alright? What happened?" Katsu asked

"Yeah, I'm alright…I just saw something out the window…but its fine." I said with a smile trying to play off the fact that I was scared to death.

"We should talk." Katsu said looking down at my bare marked arm.

"There is nothing to talk about." I growled hiding my arm pulling my sleeve down.

"Come on, kid. I already saw it so why are you hiding it?" Katsu had look at me, leaning up against the door.

I shrugged and looked away, I hated being cornered. There was an urge to yell but I fought that urge so I can stay calm.

"Can we not do this?" I asked shrugging annoyed with the way everything was going.

"Sure kid, we'll talk later." He said leaving my room without another word.

I closed my door and sighed, my heart was stilling racing. With Ichigo outside I had nothing else on my mind. I opened the window and let Ichigo in, he was dressed in black jeans and a dark blue sweater.

"Namie..." Ichigo said softly.

"What are you doing here?" I said looking at him trying to show him I was annoyed but in reality I was kind of happy to see him.

"We need to talk." Ichigo said saying those four words that made me think something bad was going to happen.

"Ichigo…I don't wanna…breakup." I said so softly thinking we were going to break up.

"Breakup? Are you crazy, I'm not here for that." Ichigo said as he kissed my forehead. "There has just been a lot things going on in Karakura…and well I think you might have to stay here longer."

"Wait why?" I asked my eyes watery.

"Takashi…he's back. I'm doing everything in my power to get him and kill his connections." Ichigo said using his words loosely.

"Ichigo…kill…what are you not telling me?" I asked concerned.

"Don't worry about that, just stay in Katsu's sights. That's all I'm asking from you." Ichigo said pleading.

"What do you know about Katsu?" I asked annoyed with the lack of detail.

"Like I said don't worry, just do me that favor." Ichigo kissed me on the forehead. "I have to go. I'll be back soon." Ichigo said as he left through the window.

I sighed concerned about everything he was doing, what wasn't he telling me. Do I need to ask Katsu, maybe Renji…


	26. Chapter 25:Don't act like you don't know

The Love & Hate between us

Chapter 25: Don't act like you don't know

I growled a little and tried to get Ichigo on his phone but he didn't pick up! _I hate this!_ I opened my door and looked for Katsu, I saw him walking back to his room, and I ran up behind him and grabbed his hand.

"Katsu, we need to talk." I said pulling him

"About what kid?" Katsu asked looking at me.

"Not here." I said pulling him into my room.

"Okay what's so urgent?" Katsu asked.

"What's going?" I asked my voice shaky. "Why is everyone keeping me in the dark?"

"What are you talking about?" Katsu asked lying through his teeth.

"Why is Ichigo acting like that! I know you know! Please just tell me!" I said pleading for an answer.

Katsu stood quiet and shook him head. "I can't tell you." He said softly.

"Please! I wanna know! It's not fair!" I yelled with tears in my eyes

"I'm sorry I can't tell you." He repeated hugging me.

I quickly pushed him away. "No! You're not sorry! You don't understand, who are you trying to kill! JUST TELL ME!" I yelled

"Namie I'm sorry." Katsu said as he left me room.

Eventually I stopped and just stood in my room, my aunt coming by and asking if I was okay and I lied around Midnight I got up and started to do homework…everyone was asleep and it gave me a chance to slip into the kitchen and sneak something. I looked at the bottle of champagne and the glass sitting at the table, I drank once before and got heavily drunk, I was all happy because of the alcohol. I poured myself a glass and drank it down…I shook my head and put the bottle away and went to my room; I opened the door and saw Ichigo looking through my binder. I bit my lip. _It's like whenever I do something bad he shows up. _

"What are you doing here?" I asked closing the door behind me.

"Hanging out, maybe stay the night." Ichigo said with a smile.

"I have to do work." I said swallowing hard.

"So I'll help you." Ichigo pressed. "What you don't want me here?"

"I didn't say that Ichigo." I said softly feeling nervous.

"Then why are you acting like it?" Ichigo asked as he walked over to me and kissed me on the lips.

I kissed him back but felt my heart racing, I wasn't sure if it was the fact that the champagne was strong or if it was the fact that Ichigo could find out.

"I missed being alone with you." Ichigo said before kissing me harder.

I pulled away and breathed out; I let out a long sigh my heart racing with every passing minute. I kissed him and put my arms around him, I needed to keep this going, part of me wanted it to keep going and the other said just let him go.

"Are you okay?" Ichigo asked looking at me

"Yeah." I said with a soft but fake smile.

I kissed Ichigo softly and looked at him in the eyes, I could see that he secretly wanted this and I was too. Ichigo bought me to my bed and laid me down. He kissed me harder on the lips and then on the neck, I bit my bottom lip as he switched between nibbling to sucking. I felt him lift up my shirt a little, his hands cold against my skin. I let his hands slip back to light purple lacy bra. My heart was racing more and more with each touch. I sat up and kissed Ichigo and took his short and felt his abs, I blushed deeply and kept kissing Ichigo. In my mind I felt a little naughty for doing, I mean Ichigo and I haven't been going out for that long. My hand was resting on the button of his jeans.

Ichigo took my hand and stopped me from going any further. "What's really going on?" Ichigo asked

"Nothing." I said kissing ichigo's neck making him let out a low moan.

"Namie your lying and-" he paused and smelled my breathe. "Are you drinking?" Ichigo snapped

"No." I lied

"Namie you promised me nothing would happen here, what's going on you wouldn't do this." Ichigo snapped

"I'm sorry." I said softly

"For?" ichigo asked "You need to stop, please if not for yourself then for me." Ichigo said softly

"I don't know, I wanna know what your doing and what does it have to do with Takashi." I said having trouble saying his name.

"He started the fight by hurting you, before he promised he'd keep his violence to a minimum and that he wouldn't hurt anymore girls. He crossed the line with and thats how everything started. As for the fights those are the men he is sending after myself and the others. We can hand ourselves but we need to keep you safe. Okay?" Ichigo asked giving me a vivid explanation.

"Alright." I said softly.

"Promise me three things now, stop cutting, stop drinking, and stay with Katsu." Ichigo said

"I promise." I said softly "Seal with a kiss?" I asked

Ichigo let out a laugh and kissed me softly. Ichigo's hands wandered up to my breast, I felt my heart skip a beat as he started to massage them, I closed my eyes and bit my bottom lip. I fell back on the bed as he started to massage them harder. I let out a low moan and felt Ichigo's lips on mine.

"Shh." Ichigo said softly.

"The room is sound proof." I breathed

Ichigo smiled and kissed me harder, his hands wandered to the strap and unhooked it, he took off my bra and threw it to the side. His hands went to my breast again where Ichigo started to increase the pressure on my breast.

"Ichigo." I moaned into the kiss.

He smiled softly and pulled away, teasing me. He leaned in and shut my table light off leaving the room dark but there was enough light to still see each other.

* * *

Author's Note: Sorry I'm ending it there, My friend just left me to do the last part. I told her I couldn't do and she said just make it fade to black so yeah. Sorry.


	27. Chapter 26: Going Silent

Author's Note: Short but I needed to update, I have something in mind but I have a lot going on.

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The Love & Hate between us

Chapter 26: Going Silent

The weeks passed by quickly and it was time to go back to home, surprisingly I got work done. I was shocked I even did anything, I was distracted I couldn't keep my mind focus so I know I lied and used dumb evidence during essays, it wasn't my fault.

I shrugged and opened the door to my house and to Orihime who hugged me tightly. It was good to be home, but I know there was a lot of stuff going on, stuff I needed to be filled in on.

"How has stuff been around here?" I asked Orihime who quickly looked down like she was holding something back.

"A lot, let's just say we need you to be careful when you go out. Ichigo said he wanted to talk to you and he'll be back when you came but I think he's on a mission." Orihime sighed. "What Ichigo does is for the good of the city. You believe in spirits right?"

"I guess, I can see them but they never communicate." I shrugged it off as I started to bite into a juicy red apple sitting on the table.

"And Ichigo never had this talk with you?" She asked

"Nope." I shrugged

"Okay, there are good and bad sprits it's his job to kill the bad spirits that try to kill the good and sometimes the living." Orihime said vaguely explain everything.

"So he's one of those Soul Reapers?" I asked

"Yeah, how do you know?" Orihime asked in shock as she inhaled sharply.

"Google magic." I smiled widely.

"Interesting. I'll be back, don't leave okay." She said as she hugged me and ran outside.

"What is really going on?" I mumbled

Footsteps echoed in the house, my heart started to race. Maybe I was just paranoid, maybe I'm hearing things. But the footsteps got closer, I looked around nervously and no one was there. As soon as I got up off the wooden stole next to the wooden counter of the kitchen I was hit in the head and fell to the floor. Everything went dark…_What the fuck is really going on?_


	28. Chapter 27: Saving a Life

Author's Note: Sorry guys not a lot, I know but I'm busy. D:

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The Love & Hate between us

Chapter 27: Saving a Life

I slowly opened my eyes to my room, when I tried to move I couldn't. I looked down at my legs and they were tied to my purple computer chair and my wrists were tied behind the chair. My heart started to race, I looked around and didn't see anyone but as soon as I went to scream someone covered my mouth.

"If you stay quiet I won't have to kill you." The manly voice whispered into my ear, he uncovered my mouth. "It'll be a waste to kill you right now."

"Who the fuck are you? What the hell do you want?" I snapped

"Same questions as always, I'm not going to tell you anything." He said gracefully and softly running his fingers across my cheeks.

"Stop touching me. Eventually someone is gonna come in here and kill you." I snapped pulling my face away from his touch.

"I'd like to see that happen sweetheart." He said softly his voice making me shiver.

I couldn't see his face; he had it covered like a ninja. The outfit he wore was like a ninja, a sword at his side and a short blade in his hand. I'm scared out of my mind and I'm hoping Ichigo comes to save me.

"It'll happen, Ichigo will come!" I snapped

"Ichigo Kurosaki? The orange haired kid. Oh he's dead." The man said his voice stabbing my heart. "So is the girl with the auburn colored hair."

"Shut the fuck up your lying!" I yelled with tears in my eyes.

"Why would I lie? The kid is dead his blood is on the first floor of this very house." The man said calmly like it was fine.

"SHUT UP!" I yelled.

"I told you to shut up!" He quickly said covering my mouth

I closed my eyes and started to cry, it couldn't be true. He's feeding me lies so that I give up hope. That has to be it.

I started to wiggle my hands around in the rope and felt it become loose. The guy took his hand off of my mouth and left my room. I quickly wiggled my hands around even more and finally had my hands free. I heard talking and figured it was my time to untie myself, I did it quickly with some hassle but found my way out. I got out of the chair and climbed out the open window and down the side of the house. My feet touched the ground and I was happy to be outside but I wasn't out of the danger yet. I made a run to the bushes but felt my arm being pulled, I went to yell but someone covered my mouth.

"Namie relax it's me." Ichigo said into my ear.

My heart began to race, it was him. I knew he was still alive I was a fool to actually believe that guy for a minute. He turned me around and I hugged him tightly, I knew he was shocked but it was still enough to believe he was actually with me.

"Namie your gonna have to trust me. Okay?" Ichigo whispered as he covered my eyes with a black clothe and took my hand.

I nodded and followed him closely as he made his way forward; I felt this weird presence like someone was there. Ichigo let go of my hand, I panicked a little and someone else grabbed me.

"I got you just don't panic." I heard Katsu say.

"Why are you here?" I asked as he picked me up.

"Don't worry about it." He replied

"What about Ichigo?" I said my voice cracked

"Again, don't worry about him." Katsu repeated.

"We have to go back." I took off my blind fold and looked over Katsu's shoulder to see Ichigo fighting someone with a sword. "Damn, everything on Google is true."

"Look he can handle himself. I promise." Katsu said as he glided through the air, well it was running but it felt like gliding. I didn't know where he was taking me but I was nervous and I wanted answers.


	29. Chapter 28: It's Over

The Love & Hate between us

Chapter 28: It's Over

I was stuck between some much confusion, I had no idea what was going on. It was a bundle of confusion and I needed to find out what was going on, I wanted answers, and I wanted those today.

"What is going on here?" I asked Katsu as he set me down on my feet.

"A lot." He answered.

"No shit, but what exactly is going on. I want answers, now! No one word bull, answers, like explanations!" I snapped

"I'm just your guard…not your savior." Katsu said turning away to go into a store.

"What the hell is that suppose to mean?" I questioned as I ran behind him.

"It means I don't answer your questions. I just do as I'm told." Katsu said coldly.

"What's your problem!" I snapped

The store was quiet but it was still open, lights on, it was weird. I glared at Katsu who stood taller than me; he wore a black soul reaper outfit.

"I have no problem." He answered as he sat down.

"I hate arguing with you! You always leave me hanging like I'm supposed to figure out what the hell is going on all by me. Please I'm begging you for an answer Katsu." I begged

"Like I said I can't you any answers." Katsu said. "I'm merely here to protect you."

I growled and exited the store, I felt a strong wind pass me by and Katsu appeared in front of me giving my heart a jump start to death.

"You can't leave." He said taking my hand.

"What the fuck? Why not?" I snapped fighting against his grip.

"Because you can't." Katsu argued back his grip tighten.

"Katsu you're hurting me." I struggled against his grip dying to get my hand out of his.

I finally got my hand out of his and walked away from him. He grabbed my hand again and pulled me back to him.

"Stop it!" I snapped

"Namie this isn't a game!" Katsu snapped

"Whatever!" I said pulling my hand out of his.

"Stop fucking testing me!" Katsu growled pulling me and pinning me to the wall roughly.

I gasped and felt my body tremble, I was scared. Katsu was never like this, he was never rough.

"What are you doing?" I cried

"You need to stop testing me." Katsu growled

"How the fuck am I testing you?" I tried to push him away but he roughly pushed me back.

"Like that! Just listen to me and we won't have a problem!" Katsu growled his grip tighten on my wrist.

"Get the fuck off of me now!" I yelled

"Or what?" Katsu pressed looking down on me.

I pushed my nails into his hand; he didn't even wince but tighten his grip.

"What the fuck is your problem anyway!" I snapped

Katsu didn't answer me but let me go. I glared at him and within a few minutes Ichigo appeared and looked at Katsu and then me.

"We need to talk." Ichigo said

"Like hell we do." I mumbled

Ichigo went into the store with his soul reaper uniform and came out with dark blue jeans on and a white long sleeve shirt on. Katsu went into the store and didn't come back out. Ichigo took my hand and started to walk.

"Anything hurt?" Ichigo asked

"No." I lied. "Where are we going?"

"Home." Ichigo shrugged.

"My house?" I asked in shock.

"No mine." Ichigo corrected.

We started to walk down the block, it was kind of cold but then again, wearing a skirt would kind of be the reason why I'm actually really cold.

"What's going on?" I asked trying to hide then concern.

"Takashi is acting out for attention." Ichigo said yawning a little. "He just wants to get his ass kicked." Ichigo growled.

"I wanna help." I said after a few minutes of silence.

"No." Ichigo said quickly.

"Why the hell not?" I snapped

"Because he wants you, if you're on the field then its all the more reason he'll try to kill you." Ichigo growled tighten his grip on my hand making me wince a little.

"I wanna help you and your not gonna let me help because you think I'm gonna die?" I questioned.

"Well yeah, but…" Ichigo drifted off. "You know."

"No, I don't know." I stopped folding my arms.

"You mean a lot to me and if you…stop forcing me to say it." Ichigo growled

I held back a smile, I knew what he was trying to say but I wanted to hear him say it.

"What are you trying to say?" I asked playing dumb.

"Namie, don't do this to me." Ichigo pleaded

"Do what?" I teased walking in front of him.

"Stop it Namie." Ichigo growled

"Am I bothering you?" I teased taking his hand looking into his eyes batting my eyelashes.

"Yes, you're teasing me." Ichigo growled

"Am I?" I questioned with a confused face.

Ichigo tighten his grip on my hand. I let out a low yelp; he quickly smiled and looked away. We continued to walk to his house.

"Wait isn't your family home?" I asked looking at Ichigo stop him.

"No, my dad is away at some kind of convention till the end of the week. My little sisters are at a sleepover." Ichigo said with a teasing smile.

"So we're alone?" I asked my heart racing.

"Yeah." Ichigo replied leading me into his house.

My heart was racing faster than the last time Ichigo and I were alone. _Why am I getting nervous?_ Ichigo locked the door to his house, and I ran up the stairs into his room. I laid on his bed and cuddled with his pillow, it felt good to relax. But there was this faint smell of perfume lingering in the room and the scent was strongest on his pillow. _No…Ichigo wouldn't cheat on me, would he? No, Ichigo isn't like that. Maybe he is. Is there something going on that I missed when I was away? Maybe it was too good to be true. I thought he was better than that, maybe I was just too stupid to realize it. _

I got up and held back all the anger and sadness and left Ichigo's room. It was more anger then sadness, I pushed by Ichigo and went downstairs.

"Namie what's wrong?" Ichigo asked

I didn't answer and just left his house, I heard Ichigo ran out behind me calling my name. I didn't even reply, and kept walking.

"Namie come on, we were just having fun and now you're upset?" Ichigo said as he caught up to me.

I kept walking, making a turn at the corner; my house was only one more block. If I could hold it together without yelling it would be perfect. I kept going and Ichigo kept following me, he grabbed my hand and pulled me to stop.

"Tell me what is going on right now." Ichigo demanded his voice sharp and full of power.

"Get off of me now." I said no emotion in my voice what so ever.

"No, what is going on with you?" Ichigo pressed.

I got my hand out of his grip and kept walking, I reached my house and walk up the walkway. Ichigo caught up to me and pinned me up against the wall of my house.

"Let go of me Ichigo. I'm not playing with you!" I snapped

"I'm not playing either; I wanna know what the hell got into you!" Ichigo snapped

"I could say the same to you!" I growled

"What are you talking about?" Ichigo asked his voice filled with confusion but a hint of anger.

_How could he not know what the fuck I was talking about? He knows what I'm talking about but he's playing dumb. _

"Stop playing stupid Ichigo!" I snapped fighting hard against his tight grip on my wrist.

"What the hell are you talking about!" Ichigo demanded. "Tell me!"

"I'm done with this! I'm done with you!" I yelled fighting against his grip Ichigo finally let go and looked at me; he had this defeated look on his face. "I'm done with this shit! I'm not gonna be taken for a fucking fool Ichigo!"

I opened the door to my house and slammed it tightly, Orihime came running down the stairs and looked at me.

"What happened?" She mouthed.

"Nothing." I answered and went into my little study area and slammed the door locking myself inside, covering the windows. I stared the wall and started to feel the anger rise up. I took a pillow and threw it against the wall. _I was stupid.

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_Author's Note: Don't forget to review. :)_


	30. Chapter 29: It's not your fault

The Love & Hate between us

Chapter 29: It's not your fault

I was away from school for a day or two and went to go see my aunt she could tell I was depressed but she quickly picked me up my booking some modeling jobs for me during the weekend. I did them and returned to school the following Monday, I was feeling better but when I entered everyone looked at me, like something was wrong. Orihime ran to my side and hugged me tightly.

"Namie, can you follow me." Orihime said as she grasped my hand and led me down the hallway. The hall became less crowded and it made me nervous.

"Orihime where are you taking me?" I asked following her.

Orihime didn't answer and it made me nervous, there was something wrong. She opened the door to an abandon room in the east hall. She pushed me inside and closed the door.

"What the hell Orihime?" I yelled

"I'm sorry." Her voice faded.

"Namie we need to talk." I heard Ichigo's voice

"No." I said making my way to the door, but was quickly blocked by Ichigo.

"Why not? Why did you suddenly break up with me?" Ichigo asked his voice full of anger.

"You're the one who was cheating on me!" I growled

"I was not! Why the hell would I fucking cheat on you? I'm the one who tried to make everything better for you and you think I'm cheating?" Ichigo snapped

"There was perfume on your pillow and your room smelled like a girl just slept there!" I yelled with tears of frustration rolling down my cheeks.

"Like I'd fucking sleep with another girl! Rukia doesn't even come to the world of the living anymore and Orihime has Uryu! Who would I sleep with! Who would I date! None of these girls are like you!" Ichigo snapped punching the wall. "I told you, I'd be here with you till the end and you leave me! The perfume? That was my little sister the one who is going to graduate this year! Rukia gave her permission to use her perfume and used it in my room. That is why it smelled like a girl."

My heart dropped, I was wrong and here I was in another argument with Ichigo. Just like when we fought about Takashi. I was cornered; I jumped to the conclusion of Ichigo being unfaithful when in reality he was always the one who stood by my side.

"Now you have nothing to say!" Ichigo yelled as he punched the wall.

I winced a little and felt tears streaming down my cheeks. _I have to patch things up._

"Ichigo, I'm-" Ichigo cut me off.

"You're sorry? Why in the world would you think I'm cheating on you?" Ichigo yelled

"I don't know, I just…" I trailed off

There was silence between us for what seemed like forever, eventually Ichigo calmed down and looked at me, I kept my head down and looked at the floor. The room was dark but the sunshine from outside brighten the room to a certain degree.

"Look, the fact you have very little trust in me is kind of depressing, but your gonna have to realize, I'm here for good." Ichigo said lifting my chin gently. "I know, it's hard for you to let people in but when you walk away it's hard for people to actually get a sense of who you are as a person. Honestly I'm still trying to figure that out. You need to understand that I'm here for you and you only. I know I yell and I know I piss you off but we need to find some common ground."

I nodded, barely taken in what he said. I know I need to learn how to trust him but it's hard.

"I'm sorry, I know I hurt you…I just go nervous and scared." I told truthfully.

"I told you I'm here for you. Please remember that." Ichigo replied taking my hands. I nodded and kept everything.

I wiped the tears away that were stilling rolling down my cheeks, Ichigo helped wiped them away and kept me from crying anymore.

"Look. Are we still together?" I asked softly barely getting the words out of my mouth.

"Yeah." Ichigo said softly.

Ichigo kissed my forehead and hugged me tightly. I can't believe Ichigo accepted my apology, I was truly sorry for all the pain.


	31. Chapter 30: A Monster

The Love & Hate between us

Chapter 30: A monster

It's been weeks since I've seen Ichigo or anyone for that matter, Orihime is home but that doesn't make me feel as safe as I should. But what's really creepy is that every night I hear something, someone calling out a name and for the first time in days I finally made out the name. Yuki. That name didn't have anything strings to me so I don't know why I was hearing someone call out that name. One day passed and I heard the name again, but it was longer. The voice said "Wake up Yuki." And it woke me up; I looked around and didn't see anything but it was scary. I left my room and went downstairs and called Ichigo but he didn't pick up, no one picked up and Orihime wasn't home. I was alone. I could tell the voice was following me saying "Wait, Yuki it's been so long." I kept all my energy inside and tried not to scream, maybe I was going crazy from the lack of sleep. I called Ichigo again and still no answer, eventually I stopped hearing the voice and went to sleep.

Tonight is no different from the other nights and I slept downstairs in hopes of getting away from it, but no, it wasn't. I still heard it. This time I called Ichigo and he picked up.

"Ichigo! Where the hell have you been?" I yelled

"I've been at home. You haven't called in a few weeks so I figured you were at your aunt's." Ichigo replied

"I've been calling you every night!" I snapped

"No you haven't my phone hasn't gotten any calls from you." Ichigo replied. "Are you alright?"

"Yuki, we need to talk." The voice said

"Ichigo do you hear that?" I asked

"Hear what? All I hear is you talking." Ichigo replied in a calm voice.

"Your finally awake…I was started to get worried." The voice said

"Ichigo you're kidding me right." I said with tears filling my eyes.

"I don't hear anything." Ichigo replied

"Yuki don't cry." The voice said

A figured appeared looking just like Ichigo but with black hair and teal eyes. I back away feeling the urge to scream at the top of my lungs.

"Leave me alone!" I screamed dropping my phone along the way.

Eventually it left me alone. I found my phone and closed it and went into my room hoping Ichigo would come over and he did, I heard him come upstairs, I got off of my bed and looked through the peephole I made in the door.

"Takashi…" I said gasping covering my mouth. I quietly locked the door and swallowed hard. I was scared for my life.

"Namie…I know you're in there. Come out, we can talk." Takashi said knocking on my door.

I kept my mouth shut and tried not to breathe hard, maybe he would think I'm with Ichigo. Maybe…maybe he'll just die.

"Come on Namie, I've changed." Takashi lied.

I hated those words "_I've changed" _those words are lies and coming from Takashi I know he's lying to me. He's the one who did everything to me and he still hasn't died yet. I felt this strong wave of energy course through me…Ichigo? No, it's too overwhelming to me Ichigo's. Within minutes I saw a black sword stabbed in my door. I screamed out and saw the blood dripping onto the floor. My eyes were covered by someone wearing black gloves.

"Relax it's me." Renji said softly.

"What's going on?" I asked my throat feeling sore from screaming.

"Revenge." He said softly

"Wait…he's…dead?" I asked trying to break out of his grip.

"I think so, who pressure was I feeling?" I asked

"Ichigo's." Renji replied resting his chin on my head.

"No, Ichigo's pressure isn't that strong." I argued

"Believe me, it's his." Renji replied.

"Is it over?" I asked

"I don't know. But I'm here to help and I wanted to know what all that screaming was about on the phone?" Renji asked as he uncovered my eyes.

"For the last few days there has been someone around here, calling me by the name of Yuki and today I finally saw him and it was just scary." I said staring down at the floor.

"Sounds like you need someone by your side." Renji said rubbing my head.

"What are you implying?" I said pushing him playfully.

"Nothing." Renji laughed

There was silence and an argument can be heard outside.

"Ichigo, she's scared. Go inside." Orihime said her voice loud

"Orihime I'm not going to go inside. She probably thinks I'm a monster. This could have been dealt in another way." Ichigo yelled

"It couldn't have been dealt with peacefully he was here to hurt her and you know that!" Orihime yelled

"But I killed him and I didn't need to." Ichigo yelled

"Ichigo it wasn't you. You weren't in control." Orihime replied trying to calm him down.

"I was in control but the emotions raging through me, my hollow telling me kill him! Now I have his blood on my hands! I'm not going in there only to have her turn away from me!" Ichigo yelled

I heard him punch the wall, I closed my eyes and turned away and rested my head one Renji's chest. _A monster? No…you're nothing like that Ichigo._

"She loves you Ichigo and I could see that." Orihime snapped

"She won't see me, she'll see a monster!" Ichigo yelled. "She'll be afraid of me!"

Then there was silence…I sighed and covered my face. _Ichigo…don't do anything rash.

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_Author's Note: I know it's been awhile but I've been trying to think of away to finish it...Just a few more chapters...then I wanna start something else._


	32. Chapter 31: Who am I to say?

The Love & Hate between us

Chapter 31: Who am I to say?

It's been a week and I haven't seen Ichigo inside or outside of school. Orihime said he is sick and doesn't want to be visited. It was hurtful but I don't understand, Ichigo is Ichigo and I'm his girlfriend, what he could be hiding.

I missed the last week of school, but did everything; made up exams and the little bits of homework I did afterschool. The semester was over and grades were going to be posted outside of the main office at the start of the day. I was nervous to see if I ranked in the top 50; it would make me proud to actually be at the top.

"Come on Namie your taking forever." Renji called up to me.

Ever since Ichigo's melt down Renji has been taking care of me, well not taking care of me like a child but watching over me making sure I don't do anything rash.

"I'll be right down!" I yelled

I brushed out my hair and put on a floral headband, I finished my makeup and grabbed my school bang and rushed downstairs.

"Bought time, we're gonna be late you know that right?" Renji sighed

I looked at the time, school started in 20 minutes and the walk to school was a 25 minute walk. I looked at Renji and batted my eyelashes.

"Really?" Renji sighed

"Please!" I begged

"Alright, for the sake of being there on time." Renji growled he changed from a human to a soul reaper before my eyes.

I was use to it; Renji has been in my house for so long I think it's normal to see him change. Well not in a perverted way, I don't think I'd be able to handle that. Renji picked me up and carried me doing what he called a flash step. Before I knew it we were at school. Just in time for homeroom. We entered the building only to see a crowd of people around the top 50 list. I rolled my eyes and walked past them, Renji grabbed my left hand.

"Don't you wanna check it out?" Renji asked

"Not now." I replied

Renji let go out my hand and followed me to homeroom. We walked inside the room and took our seats.

"Welcome back Namie." The teacher said with a smile as I sat down.

"Thank you." I replied kindly.

"Did you have a chance to take a look at the top 50?" She asked kindly

"No not yet." I replied

"Would you like to take a look?" She asked

"I can wait." I replied with a smile ensuring I wouldn't sound rude.

She nodded took attendance and handed out new schedules, I didn't receive mine and started to worry.

"Um Ms. Satou I didn't get my schedule." I said as I raised my hand.

"I know you need to go to the main office when you can." She informed me.

I sighed and felt a knot form in my stomach; I was worried that my classes weren't the ones I was hoping for. I sighed and waited for homeroom to come to a close. When I heard the chime I quickly got out of my chair and went to the main office. I entered the office and felt a wave of cold air brush by me; it made me shiver for a split second.

"Hello Namie, it's good to see you're finally back. How are you?" Ms. Mori asked

Ms. Mori was the new secretary in the main office, she was really nice. I don't come to the main office often so I don't really remember who everyone is.

"You're here about your schedule right?" She asked as she shifted through some papers.

"Yes." I answered

"Oh yeah, since you weren't here there was announcement about the top 50. People who placed in the top 5 were allowed independent studies, meaning you don't attend classes you teach yourself based on teacher's lesson plans for the semester." She told me with a smile

"And I was ranked?" I asked looking for some kind of answer

"It was really close but you're ranked as number 2. Independent studies can be held anywhere, but if you have nowhere to go the best place to go is the back library, we closed it off for independent studies, so make yourself at home and congrats on your grades." She said with a smile.

I don't know if I was more confused or happy at this moment. It was weird be studying on my own. Yeah it sounds cool but really? Since when did the school get all cool?

"So what classes do you have?" Renji asked as he pulled me aside.

"I'm doing independent studies." I shrugged

"Oh so you ranked in the top 5. Congrats." Renji said as he hugged me.

But something wasn't right, I didn't feel good. Even though I was happy, part of me just didn't feel right.

"I wanna go home." I said softly

"Wait why?" Renji said as he looked at me

"I just don't feel right." I said looking at the window.

The skies were grey; it looked like it was going to pour any second now. The weather fit my emotion today, happy for minute and sad the next.

"Maybe you should just relax." Renji said trying to get me to stay.

"I'm going to get my books and go home." I said walking by Renji.

Renji wasn't the one to ask questions, but he was always concerned. Hanging out with Rukia must have taught him not to ask _what is wrong_ seeing how the reply is going to be _nothing_. I went into the library and into the back section. There was a set of books on the table with my name. Each a different level of each subject, college level for a Junior in high school. I stuffed the books into my bag and left the school. Renji was waiting outside with an umbrella.

"Namie we just got here. What's going on?" Renji asked

"Nothing…just a little light headed." I replied

Renji stood quiet and shook his head. About 25 minutes of walking in the light rain we finally got home. I opened the door let Renji in and closed it behind me. I went into my room and dumped my books onto the bed. Advance everything!

"UGH!" I growled and went to wash my face in my bathroom.

I changed out of my uniform and into something more comfortable. No makeup on, I was ready for a nap but I found myself opening my door and going down the hall to visit Renji. I knocked on his door.

"Come in." Renji said

I opened the door and saw Renji without a shirt on and his uniform pants unbuttoned; I felt my cheeks get hot. Second time I saw him without a shirt on and it still has the same effect on me.

"Maybe I should come back when you're fully clothed." I said closing the door.

Renji pulled it opened it made me trip and fall onto Renji who caught me. His room dark with the curtains closed and the table light on. I felt my hands on Renji's hot chest.

"I…Um…I think I'm gonna go now…" I said embarrassed by the fact that Renji was doing this again.

"No stay. We should talk." Renji said pulling his white tang-top down.

"I don't think so." I said softly

"Come on Namie…" Renji said taking my hand and leading me to the bed.

I sat down on the bed and heard music coming from a pair of headphone. I found the set of headphones under his pillow and made myself comfortable.

"See now you're comfortable now." Renji said with a smile as he lay down next to me.

"Yeah." I said softly.

Renji rested his head next to mine, I looked into his eyes and saw concern, passion and overall a difference in what I saw in Ichigo's eyes. I bit my lip and turned away. Renji laughed, I felt his hands on my waist and he started to tickle me. At first I giggled but then as he tickled me more and more I started to laugh. Before I knew it Renji was on top of me, he stopped tickling me and let me catch my breath.

"You suck." I breathed.

"Well something is wrong and it's making you depressed, I can't have someone depressed looming around the house." Renji said with a smile.

I growled a little and sighed. I was depressed about Ichigo, because it's been awhile. I know it seems like I need him constantly but the fact that a lot has happened it's hard for me to settle down and hang with other people. It's also depressing because there's this event that happens once every year around January 31, not a lot of people do it, but from what my aunt told me it's when people go to the spot where a loved one is buried and place a flower. I know that sounds a lot like just plain old visiting graves but. It started a long time ago before I was born. So I've been doing it all my life. I usually go visit my parent's grave with Ichigo but sadly he's not going to come.

"What's wrong?" Renji asked his forehead touching mine.

"Just thinking about what I'm going to do on the 31st." I said closing my eyes.

"What's on the 31st?" Renji asked

"Nothing, forget I mentioned it." I quickly said

"Wait, I know what you're talking about." Renji quickly recovered. "You have no one to go with you this year right?"

Renji voice was soft, it took me off guard, I pretended I didn't hear him and started to listen to his music, it was the acoustic version of "Stay with me" by You and me at Six.

"I'll go with you if you want." Renji offered me.

I was shocked, I wasn't sure about going but having Renji go with me would feel different. I don't wanna drag him along if he doesn't wanna go and if he's doing it just for me.

"You don't have to; I mean I'm not feeling well anyway." I lied.

"You're a terrible liar." Renji sighed. "I wanna go, so don't think I'm doing it out of some sort of invisible friend thing."

"I didn't say that." I growled.

"But you were thinking it." Renji pressed.

Renji smiled and kissed my forehead. I blushed and bit my bottom lip. I hated this, being with Renji and feeling something for him when I'm with Ichigo. He does it on purpose too; it's hard for me to actually pull away from him. It's like as if Renji is saying come with me.

"I think it's time for me to go." I said starting to sit up.

"Why don't you stay?" Renji asked

"Cause I…" I trailed off.

"Exactly no way to reply." Renji smiled

"Come on Renji." I pleaded

"Why should I let you go?" Renji asked as he kissed my neck.

"Cause you should." I replied annoyed

Renji smiled and kissed my forehead, and let me go.

"I let you win." Renji smiled

"Yeah, you keep thinking that." I grinned as I closed the door behind me.

I hate that Renji does that, I didn't even know he likes me like that until recently, it bothers me that I didn't pick up his hints that were so lightly laid out for me to pick up yet I'm so obviously I didn't realize he was actually doing it for me. I feel bad that I basically ignored him for all these months.

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Author's Note: Wow you guys are seriously supportive, thanks for reading. Leave a nice Review. I might go on a little hiatus for this story. But thanks for all the reads, over 1,400. That's a lot. :) Thank you again. :) I want to start one on Renji and a OC. :p

If your wondering about Ichigo he went hollow in the last chapter and he doesn't want Namie to think of him as a Monster.

The inspiration for the title came from the song: Who am I to say by Hope.


	33. Chapter 32: I want to protect you

The Love & Hate between us

Chapter 32: I want to protect you

Later on in the night my aunt called my phone with some really exciting news, another model job. Nothing rocker this time more modeling for spring and summer stuff. I was excited.

"So you wanna do the job?" She asked me

"Course." I smiled. "Can I bring my friend?" I asked

"Sure, is she gonna model?" my aunt asked

I died laughing. "It's a guy auntie."

"OHHH! Are you are dating!" She asked

"No!" I said snapping back to reality. "He's just a friend."

"Okay, whatever you say. So can you be down here by 10am?" She asked

"Sure, not a problem." I said with a smile.

I laughed and hung up the phone, I quickly ran to Renji's room, I opened the door and jumped onto the bed. I'm pretty sure he wasn't asleep, but if he was now he isn't.

"Renji….psst!" I whispered into his ear.

"Are you serious right now?" Renji asked as he looked at me on top of him like a little puppy on someone's chest.

"Way serious." I smiled

"What's with the smile?" Renji asked

"You and I are cutting school tomorrow." I said with a smile as Renji placed his hands on my hips, he picked me up and put me next to him.

"Are why are we cutting?" He asked with a lazy yawn.

"Because I have a modeling job to do." I said with a smile

"Right and am I part of this?" Renji asked

"Yup, cause you're my friend right?" I asked with puppy dog eyes.

I felt Renji's hands slip around my waist and pull me closer to him. "Just friends?" Renji asked his breath warm against my neck.

"Heh, I thought you wanted to be alone tonight." I said pushing him away.

"I didn't say that." Renji said softly

"But are you going to come with me?" I asked

"Sure what are you modeling for?" Renji asked me as he kissed my cheek.

"Lingerie." I lied keeping a straight face.

"So you're going to be in sexy little clothes? And I'm gonna be there?" Renji let out a small laugh.

"I was kidding." I laughed burring my head in the pillow.

"Don't mess with me like that, I was getting all happy." Renji said

"Wow, what a guy." I said as I rolled my eyes.

"Come on what did you except?" Renji said as he hugged me.

"So will you come with me?" I asked

"Sure." Renji said with a smile.

"Glad to hear it, I'll you at 9am." I chimed as I left his room in the blink of an eye.

I went into my room and dove right into bed, it felt good to be in bed, and it felt good to have Renji attending a photo shoot with me.

The morning after I was nervous, I put on my washed out skinny jeans a black top. Renji was downstairs waiting for me, dressed in black jeans a white button down shirt; I couldn't hold back a smile.

"Ready?" He asked

"Yup." I said with a smile as I left my house locking it behind me, the car was waiting outside for us, no sign of Katsu that's for sure.

We arrived at the photo shoot place, it was a small boutique filled with pretty clothes, shorts, skirts, and dressed. I sighed as I looked at the dresses, I bit my lip, I hated dresses, they never looked right on me, and I hated the way my figure looked in them. A lady with light brown hair met us in the back and introduced herself as Akemi.

"We have your clothes in the back. Your aunt is over there if you would like to speak with her before we start." She said with a soft smile barely showing her bright white teeth.

I went straight to the changing room and changed into the first set of clothes, a pair of black short shorts and a loose purple short sleeve shirt that had a white heart on it. Really cute, I put on the ballet flats set at the bottom. From the changing room I heard "Hello, hello" by SHINee being played. I smiled to myself and sung along. I stepped out of the fitting room and walked to where the photographer wanted me at.

Each set of clothes I was animated, I was myself, everything the photographer wanted. He stopped me once but only because I wasn't focused. With the final set of clothes a frilly light pink skirt and a white tang top with a flower over my heart, I did what I was suppose to and finish strongly. Renji looked at me and smiled.

"You looked amazing." Renji said with a smile

"Tch, yeah I saw you looking at me." I smirked

"Yeah yeah." Renji kissed my forehead.

"Come on…" I said pushing him away. "Not here." I glared

"Since when do you care?" Renji teased

I glared at him and went into the changing room and started to change my clothes, like other photo shoots I was able to take the clothes home, sorta like a walking advertisement board. When I was out of the skirt and shirt my phone started to ring, I looked at the caller ID and felt my heart skip a beat, I picked it up hoping to sound normal not like I was going to cry.

"Hello." I said into the phone.

"Namie…it's so good to hear your voice." He said into the phone.

"I could say the same as well Ichigo." My voice shaky

"Hmph, where are you?" He asked his voice weak like he was defeated no energy.

"At a photo shoot, I should be coming home now." I said softly

"Good, we need to talk." Ichigo said his voice sounded different like something was wrong.

"But we're talking now…" I said softly, I looked down at the black rug beneath my feet.

"It's better off if we talk face to face. I'll talk to you in a few." With that Ichigo hung up on me before I could say anything.

"Ichigo…" I said softly as I hung up my phone.

I slipped on my jeans but couldn't get him off my mind, tears started to roll down my cheeks…I haven't seen him in weeks and now he wants to talk. It has to be something bad…Ichigo never sounded so defeated, so depressed.

"Hey Namie, you ready?" I heard Renji ask

I didn't respond, I stood there without a shirt as Renji came in. I quickly tried to button up my shirt and hide my arms and body…Renji sat down next to me…I looked at him and smiled, tried to hide the pain.

"What happened?" Renji asked

"Nothing…can we go?" I asked my voice weak.

"I wanna know what's wrong." Renji pressed

"Nothing…I wanna go home is all." I pleaded

Renji stopped and helped me up; I fixed my shirt and left with Renji. The car drove us home. My heart was racing, I was nervous just too even speak with Ichigo. I got out of the car and went towards Ichigo's house.

"Renji…I'm going to pick up some medicine from Isshin…I'll back."

Renji nodded weakly, he knew why I was going over there and now I feel like I'm betraying him. I knocked on the door and Ichigo answered the door, he invited me inside, no one was home otherwise Isshin would have been in our business. We went into his bed room and my heart started to beat faster. I sat down on his bed and looked at him.

"What's wrong?" I ask

"Namie I…I'm sorry." Ichigo said softly

"For what…?" I asked

"I just don't think I can take it anymore…" Ichigo said his voice drifting.

"Take what?" I asked

"Namie…I wanted to protect you…I did and now after my fight with Takashi…I just can't." Ichigo said taking my hand.

"What do you mean?" I said holding back my tears

"I'm only gonna hurt you." Ichigo said softly resting his head on my shoulders.

"You never hurt me before! Why would you start!" I snapped

"You don't understand!" Ichigo snapped back

"Try me! I wanna understand! Make me understand!" I yelled

"You won't! The nightmares I have about you! It's only gonna hurt us in the long run." Ichigo said holding my hand tighter.

"No it won't! Please Ichigo!" I cried tears rolling down my cheeks.

"Please Namie…I'm only doing this for you!" Ichigo tighten his grip on my hand, I felt his pain.

"No you're not! You're being selfish! I don't care what you do! I just wanna be with you." I pleaded

"I'm not being selfish! If you knew the situation maybe you would understand why I have to do this!" Ichigo held my hand; I could have sworn I heard Ichigo crying.

I stopped and looked at Ichigo who tried to hide the fact he was crying…what a man…I hugged him tightly.

"Whatever is happening is happening but I don't want this to end. For the sake of my sanity…please." I plead

There was silence all I could hear is Ichigo's heart beat…

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Author's Note: Hey guys I'm back...I think this one and my other Fan Fic, "let me know, I'll be there" are going to be my most active. Remember Review please.


	34. Chapter 33: A fuss & A fight

AN: Sorry for the SUPER late update! D:

* * *

The Love & Hate between us

Chapter 33: A Fuss & a Fight

My heart was broken, with a brief conversation I felt like Ichigo and I had broken up for good this time. He left me alone in his house, not even a good bye. I took a deep breath and left his house probably for the last time. I walked to the door and I heard yelling between two guys, Ichigo and Renji.

"Why are you breaking her like that?" Renji asked

"I'm doing this for her own good. I can't keep telling her I love her when I can probably snap and hurt her." Ichigo snapped as he answered Renji's question.

"If you love her so much, you will know when to stop!" Renji snapped.

There was silence, I tippy toed to be able to see out of the peep hole. Ichigo started to walk away from Renji.

"Where are you going? What am I suppose to do with her?" Renji snapped

"I'm not going to be involved anymore. I know you like her so…" Ichigo trailed off, I could hear the anger in his voice.

"She cries her eyes out because of you wondering if you are ever gonna realize that she is fucking worried!" Renji snapped.

Ichigo ignored Renji and walked away without another word. Renji sighed; I stepped out of Ichigo's house and looked at Renji. I did what I do best; I put on a fake smile and walked toward Renji.

"Are you okay?" He asked

"I'm fine." I said trying to hold back my anger and sadness.

Renji sighed and hugged me. "I'm sorry." He told me.

"You tried." I said honestly, biting my bottom lip.

Renji nodded and tried to cheer me up, but I couldn't be happy for some reason, it just didn't feel like the right moment.

"Come on, let's go inside." Renji said as he took me back to my house by hand.

I could see that he wanted to talk, but he was waiting for the right moment. _But when was it going to be the right moment?_ I wanted to talk to him, but I couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to actually speak to him. Once we got to my house, I went upstairs and fell asleep, hugging my teddy bear tightly.

I woke up, my vision blurred at first but eventually focused on the clock, I blinked a few times hoping the time that I saw was incorrect!

"No way, it can't be 10am." I mumbled rubbing my eyes.

I got up and ran out of my room and into Renji's, he was still asleep. I quietly closed the behind me and walked over to Renji, I poked him, hoping he'd respond. I poked him again, he grabbed my hand and pulled me on top of him, and I shrieked and glared at him.

"Sorry, self defense." Renji said as he stretched.

"It's okay. Um, are we going to school today?" I asked trying to keep my eyes away from his bare chest.

"I let you sleep in since you had a rough night." Renji said keeping his face soft. "Why, you wanna go?"

"Not really." I said playing with his crimson hair.

"Then why are you complaining?" He asked

"I'm not." I growled pulling at his hair.

"Okay, okay." Renji laughed. I tried to get off of Renji but he pulled me back down. "What's the rush? We have the day to ourselves."

I tilted my head to the right and tried to push away, he held me tighter. I growled and tried to push away again, but I couldn't break free. I eventually gave up and collapsed on his chest.

"You're super mean!" I breathed.

"You always say that." Renji grinned.

"Cause its true." I pouted

I smiled and looked at Renji in the eyes; he looks like he could have been up all night.

"What time did you go to bed?" I asked

"I don't know." He shrugged, he was lying, but I didn't wanna bring anything up.

"Come on, let me go. I wanna take a shower." I pleaded

"We can do that together." Renji joked.

"I will hurt you…badly." I mumbled.

"Are you sure about that?" Renji teased.

"Yes, I am sure." I felt his grip loosen and I sat up on his stomach.

"You're so light." Renji teased wrapping his hands around my waist. "It's like you don't eat."

"I eat when I'm hungry, and I'm barely ever hungry. It's weird." I shrugged.

"You're weird." Renji laughed.

"I know thanks." I laughed.

I felt Renji pull me closer, I felt butterfly floating around in my stomach, I was nervous. We've been like this before, but why am I getting nervous again? Our faces only two inches apart, I felt his lips on mine, warm, soft, and intoxicating. I closed my eyes and tried to relax, I knew I was tense, but I couldn't help it. It's his fault. Renji pulled away and smiled.

"Relax." Renji said softly sitting up in his bed.

"You really do suck!" I growled, my cheeks burning hot from the kiss.

"You're the one who is shy." Renji rolled his eyes. "We've done this before."

"I know…I don't know why I'm acting like this." I said looking down.

"What's wrong?" Renji said sitting in front of me, giving me his full attention, like Ichigo use to do.

"Nothing." I shrugged playing with my hair.

"You can tell me." Renji said taking my hand.

"I don't want to talk about it right now; I need time to think…" I said getting up and leaving Renji's room.

I went into my room and locked the door behind me, this couldn't be for real. No, this is the aftermath of what happened last night. He just feels bad and wants me to smile again.


	35. Chapter 34: What is wrong with me!

I took down the old Chapter 34, and fixed it up...there was something mentioned in the last chapter 34, that left most people super confused...some people actually brought it to my attention, a few days after it came out, but I was unable to fix it. wasn't opening for me. So I fixed it and I hope this chapter explains the bits and pieces that left people confused. Super big thanks to both ShadowGOUF, thanks for reaching out to me. :) Also to FunnyBunny, thanks for emailing me about the confusing bits.

* * *

The Love & Hate between us

Prologue

Chapter 34: What is wrong with me!

It's been about 3 weeks since Ichigo and I broke up, I haven't seen him in school nor have I seen him around. I was worried but Renji told me I don't need to worry, nothing was going to happen. Now with Renji and me, it was starting to get confusing, I'm not sure if we are dating or just friends. It would be odd to ask because then I would be backing myself into a corner that I would be digging myself out of for weeks, so keeping my mouth shut was the best.

With school coming to an end, I actually forgot my birthday was today. Well that's a lie, I knew it was today, but I didn't do anything out of the ordinary for school, but everyone else did. They made it a huge deal!

"Namie! Happy Birthday!" Orihime yelled loudly as I came out of my house.

"Orihime you're going to wake up the whole block!" I said looking at her putting a finger over my mouth telling her to lower her voice.

"Sorry. But happy birthday!" she said loudly as she ran over to me and hugged me tightly.

"Oh sis, it's nothing major. Please let's not make it a big deal." I sighed running my fingers through my hair.

"Not a big deal, you're the baby of the group. Your finally turned 17, it's totally something major." Orihime pouted and showed me a shopping bag. "This is for you!"

"Oh god Sis, you didn't need to." I said shaking my head looking through the bag only to find so many expensive clothes, and jewelry. My jaw dropped. "Orihime, please you didn't have to! This all looks expensive and stuff!"

"Don't worry about it! Ever since we started to live together and I got promoted, I was able to buy a ton of stuff. Just take it." Orihime said with the biggest smile I ever seen.

"Namie, just take it." Renji whispered into my ear making me jump.

I spun around and pushed him but he didn't budge. I sighed and stomped into the house and put the stuff away in my room. I went back downstairs and Renji took my hand, I smiled and pulled my hand out of his and ran to the door and hugged Orihime.

"Thank you, I didn't want you to buy me anything but thank you." I said hugging her tightly.

"Your welcome sis, Uryu is up further ahead he has something for you too. Oh, I ruined the surprise!" Orihime ran ahead and disappeared around the corner.

"Namie." Renji said softly.

"Huh?" I said looking at him; he had his hands behind his back. "You bought me something too? Renji you didn't have to." I said softly.

"Just close your eyes, you'll like it." Renji said with a smile.

I closed my eyes and I felt something go around my neck, Renji then moved my loose hair to the side. "Alright, open your eyes."

I looked down at the white gold dog howling at a white gold Crescent moon with a turquoise star.

"Renji." I growled. "Why?"

"Cause it's your birthday, plus I wanted to give you something nice." Renji said kissing me on the cheek.

"You didn't have to. Really!" I said shaking my head.

"I wanted to." Renji said as he started to walk, leading me on.

I smiled and shook my head; I slipped my hand into his and held his hand. We met up with Uryu and Orihime who were happily holding hands. I giggled at their happiness and hid a smile.

"Happy 17th Birthday Namie. This is for you." Uryu said handing me a neatly wrapped box about medium size. "It was Orihime's idea, so it should give you more of an idea of what exactly is in the box."

"I'll open it once I get to school, Thank you so much Uryu." I smiled and he smiled back and fixed his glasses.

Orihime led us all to school with a smile on her face, talking about the dessert she made me for me last night. I don't remember it well, but I think it was good; Orihime and I had the same weird taste that made everyone cringe at the sight of the food.

"What test is today?" I asked as we walked into school.

"Math." Orihime said with a smile.

"You seem excited." Renji commented. "What, you and your boyfriend stood up all night playing strip testing?"

Uryu stopped and looked back at Renji with an evil glare, I cringed and looked away.

"Relax Uryu, I was kidding." Renji said biting his lip holding back his laugh.

"He tutored me, so I'm hoping I pass." Orihime replied keeping her happiness at the ultimate high.

"You'll be fine Hime." Uryu said softly.

Everyone was in a different room, it went in alphabetical order, and I was further down the hallway. Mostly everyone wished me a happy birthday, I felt _special_. The hallway was crowded with people who didn't know where to go.

"Happy Birthday." Someone else said, the voice stood out, familiar.

_Ichigo_…I looked around and didn't see him in sight. _Was I imagining things, maybe I am. I need to relax._

I went to my assigned room and set down all the gifts I was given from friends in school. The teacher looked at me and smiled, he handed out the test.

"You are to shut off all electronic devices and keep them in your bag. Anyone seen texting or anything of that matter will have your test taken and ripped up." He said watching everyone turn off their phones, iPods, and everything else. "You have 4 hours to finish this exam. If you are to finish early, you are allowed to leave the school building but are not permitted to reenter. You may now begin."

I opened the 10 page long booklet and looked at the questions, they were laughably easy. I answered each question with ease, and it only took me an hour and a half. I didn't want to leave by myself, so I excused myself and went to the restroom. I roamed the hallways and excepted there to be security but there was none, it was scary. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a flash of orange; I looked in its direction and saw someone go into the staircase. I was curious about who it was, so I went after them. I entered the staircase and heard someone going upstairs, I went upstairs and on the final flight of stairs the door to the roof was open. I went through and saw the flash of orange again.

"Ichigo?" I said out loud.

"Happy birthday Namie." A voice said.

I didn't see anyone though, so I became nervous. "Ichigo where are you?" I asked

Ichigo appeared in front of me, dressed in dark blue jeans and a black shirt. I went to hug him but he denied me the hug.

"I'm sorry…about us." He said softly

"Ichigo…" I said shaking my head. "Why?" I asked

"Because I can't be with you." Ichigo said with a troubled look on his face.

"That isn't an answer!" I snapped.

"Yes it is." Ichigo snapped back.

"Why can't you be with me?" I asked

"Because I'm going through this _change_." Ichigo said picking his words carefully.

"Everyone goes through changes Ichigo." I shrugged off his weak reply.

"No, not that change. A different change, a soul change." Ichigo said as he started to back away from me.

"A soul change?" I asked. "Explain."

"I can't, because what you saw a month and half ago, was just the start. Losing control over any kind of will power, losing control over tiny problems. The over the tiniest thing." Ichigo said making a fist. "I didn't want to leave, you have to understand."

"I don't! We could still be together." I snapped, tears in my eyes.

"We can't! I don't want to hurt you." Ichigo said backing away from me as I got closer to him.

"You never hurt me…well never physically." I said crossing my arms

"Not yet. You're making this hard. Don't do that Namie." Ichigo said softly trying to get me to relax.

"I'm making this hard? Well excuse the hell out of me! It's my birthday and I didn't except to come to school today and wanna punch someone but you making me want to. I'm not doing anything; you're the one who is making this hard to hear. I'm done." I snapped, but then I calmed down. "I hope you get better Ichigo, I really do." I made my way out the door and back downstairs, my vision started to blur, I stopped and tried to keep myself from falling to the floor. After a few minutes my vision cleared up, and I continued down stairs. _What was that?_ I shook my head and ignored it.

My heart was racing, annoyed that my birthday just had the ultimate bump. I entered the classroom, gave in my test and left the school building, outside was Renji, waiting for me.

"How'd it go?" He asked

"Easy." I shrugged.

"You alright?" Renji asked

"Yup." I nodded halfway lying.

Renji sighed and took my hand; he walked me all the way to my house and told me we had to wait for Orihime and the rest to come over for the surprise. I was upset that I had to wait, but it was still fun.

I knocked on Renji's door and didn't open it until he told me to come in; this was to prevent any walk-in stripping. I walked a few feet away from the door and my vision blurred once again, I shut my eyes tight and tried to relax, I felt weak and sat on the floor. It my body a few minutes to finally get back to normal, I stood up and waited outside the door. He finally called.

"Come in." He said

I entered his room, he was on his bed staring on the ceiling shirtless, and I actually loved his tattoos. "UGH! Have you heard of a shirt! It's the thing you wear to prevent peopling looking at your chest." I growled.

"Relax." Renji said softly, he put on a white tang top and lay back down.

I sat on his bed and looked at him. "Are you okay?" I asked looking at him hearing music coming from his headphones. I crawled next to him and searched for his iPod. I saw the wiring creeping out of his jean pockets. I blushed and looked away. "Maybe you should get it."

"Too lazy." Renji said continuing to stare at the ceiling.

I didn't bother to reach in his pocket, so I lay next to him, his arms around me and at that moment I could hear his music. It was Sure as Hell by This Providence.

"You damn yourself  
With this nonsense  
And sure as hell  
I still love you  
And as long as there's a God in Heaven  
I will want you  
And as long as Hell is still burning  
I will want you back"

I listened to this song a lot during this last couple of weeks because I was upset at the breakup. I felt a little nerve wrecked still, but hoped all would be okay, but this was also the song, Takashi and I listened to, I started to think about all that had happened in the past.

Rain drops started to pellet the window, first it wasn't much of a problem and then it started to pour. I sat up and stared out the window, it looks so pretty outside.

"You alright?" Renji asked, his hands slipped around my waist.

"Don't touch me." I said softly.

"What's going on?" He asked taking my hand.

"Just don't touch me!" I snapped.

I ran out of the room and into my mine. Where is my head at, what's going on? What am I feeling? My heart sinking, why am I feeling like this all of a sudden? I changed my clothes into a pair of jeans and an oversized black sweater. I put on my rain boots and looked at myself in the mirror. I didn't feel like me…what am I suddenly feeling so out of it, like my body is on earth but my soul…isn't in my body anymore. My vision blurred for a few second and went back to normal, I shook my head and tried to relax.

"What is going on with me?" I yelled.

And there it was, on my desk staring at me my blade…I shoved it into my pocket and tried not to break down. I opened my window and stared outside. Renji was pounding on my door, I slipped down the side of the house and just ran. I didn't know where…

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This whole chapter underwent a transformation...UGH! Anyway review please.


	36. Chapter 35: Worst Enemy

Ask yourself before you keep reading, did you read the last chapter. Things were changed. Be sure you know what's going on.

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The Love & Hate between us

Chapter 35: Worst Enemy

The rain was getting heavier, each drop almost heavier then the last as I ran, I still didn't have a destination, but I had nowhere to go and it was scary. My mind still wrapped around the problem I had with Renji, comparing him to Takashi even though he wasn't and Renji wouldn't do anything to hurt me that badly. But why did it hurt to be next to him? Why does my mind constantly compare Ichigo and Renji to Takashi? I don't get it?

Tears were streaming down my cheeks, but the rain concealed them. I looked back and I didn't even know where I was, the lights were dim and then I realize this was the dark part of town. The place where people would do the unimaginable for money…I stopped in my tracks and started to freak out. My vision became blurry once again, I leaned against a lamppost and hoped that my vision would go back to normal.

"Do you need help sweet thing?" a guy asked

My vision suddenly cleared up and I saw a guy in a trench coat and a umbrella. I didn't like the looks of this guy, so I shook my head.

"You sure? You look like you need something to warm you up." He asked as he approached me.

"I'm fine." I snapped.

"Come on, there is a restaurant down the block." He said getting closer.

I shook my head and started to back away. "I don't need help!" I snapped as I started to run in the other direction. I was freaked out and didn't know where to go. I looked around and recognized a avenue and realized a park was around here.

(Character switch)

My cell phone rang loudly, I looked at over at the clock and realized it was almost midnight, I switched my gaze to the caller ID and saw Renji's name pop up, I picked up my phone and Renji was in a panic.

"Is-at-house?" was all I could make out over Renji's heavy breathing and panic.

"What?" I asked in confusion.

"Is Namie at your house?" Renji asked

"No why?" I asked, I could hear the panic rising in my voice.

"She ran away!" Renji said.

"SHE WHAT!" I yelled as I got up from my table knocking over my books.

"She just doesn't seem all there, like something has been wrong with her." Renji explained.

"What did you do?" I yelled.

"I didn't do shit Ichigo, she just seemed upset and I tried to comfort her but she just left." Renji explained.

"Do you have any idea where she went?" I asked

"No, I was hoping you would." Renji said there was a hint of aggravation in his voice.

"I'll find her by myself!" I snapped as I hung up the phone and used my soul reaper badge to change. I left through my open window and into the cold rain. I used my power to try and pinpoint where she might be, it was weak but I found her spirit pressure somewhere north of my house.

"Come on Namie…don't give in." I mumbled under my breath as I flash stepped.

My cell phone started to ring again and it was Renji again.

"She's at the park north of the Bridge." I directed him.

"I know, I finally tracked her down! Do you think-" Renji asked

"I don't even wanna think about it!" I snapped holding back from getting any anger.

I hung up the phone again and charged forward, I finally got there and saw Namie sitting on the park bench soaking wet. I flash stepped behind her and saw her arm was bleeding, I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around her.

"Ichi?" She asked her voice weak.

"Yeah?" I asked as she leaned her head on mine.

"I hate you." She said.

I took her right arm that held the blade so tightly, her grip was strong.

"Let it go Namie." I said softly.

"I don't want to." She said her voice cracking as she tried to mask the fact she was crying.

"Please, for me." I begged her.

"But I hate you." She argued.

"I know you do, but I don't and I don't want this to happen." I said hoping she would just drop the thin.

She did as I said and dropped the blade, I picked her up and saw Renji who looked just as beat as Namie was.

"Tell my dad where heading over." I said

"I just wanna go somewhere quiet and not to your father's clinic." She pleaded

"You need to be cleaned up." I explained to her.

"It'll heal…" She trailed off.

"Never mind." I mouthed to Renji.

Renji nodded, she looked weak, drained and overall different. I held her tight in my arms as we flash stepped back to her house.

Orihime looked at Namie and shook her head. "Alright, just leave her to me, she'll be fine."

"Thank you Orihime." I said softly as I left Namie's room and went downstairs.

"What are you going to do?" Renji asked as he looked at me.

"I don't know." I said honestly.

"She misses you." Renji said looking at me, a hint of jealously in his eyes.

"I just don't know what to do…I don't want her to hurt herself…but I don't want to just leave again." I said sitting at the top of the staircase.

"Well you better do something and make a choice. I don't want to see her hurt!" Renji said as he left me by myself on the top of the stairs.

"She is her own worst enemy and I don't know what to do." I mumbled.

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Author's Note: Short but sweet, please review.


	37. Chapter 36: His Apology

Author's Note: Sorry if it's a little short. Enjoy, I'm on a writing spree, maybe I'll write another chapter.

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The Love & Hate between us

Chapter 36: His Apology

It was 5 in the morning and Orihime was still healing Namie since we brought her home last night. I was worried about what I was going to do or even say to Namie. She hates me and that's just sugar coating it.

"Ichigo." I heard Orihime say as the door closed behind her.

"Yeah?" I said as I looked at Orihime.

"She's doing better, she's getting some rest." Orihime said with a soft smile.

"Thanks Orihime. You've been a great help." I said running my fingers through my hair.

"Can I ask you something?" She asked looking over at me.

"You already did." I said weakly.

"Ichigo, I'm being serious." Orihime said as she crossed her arms.

"What's up?" I said giving her my full attention.

"What are you going to do?" She asked looking over at me.

"What do you mean?" I asked

"Do you still love her?" She asked picking her words carefully.

"Yeah…I just don't know what to do anymore." I said with a long sigh.

"Are you sure you still love her, because the way you ended it…just doesn't seem like it anymore." Orihime said looking at me trying to look for the truth.

"Orihime you know what I'm going through and you know it's hard for me to even be around anyone." I said getting annoyed with the fact she didn't believe me.

"Look, Namie is my sister and for the last couple of weeks she seemed happy with Renji. If you really truly love her, then you may want to talk to her. I know you mean well…it just that she just doesn't understand you and at this point, I don't even understand you anymore." Orihime said as she got up and went downstairs. I put my head in my hands and closed my eyes. _Did I really put her through so much that I didn't even notice it?_

(Character switch)

I woke up, my body in so much pain, I blinked a couple of times before my vision adjusted. _I'm in my room? They really listened?_ I looked at the panda stuff animal that Renji gave to me when I was sick and hugged it tightly. I got up and stretched my arms were in the most amount of pain, I bit my lip and sat back down on my bed. I let out a heavy sigh and hugged my Panda bear again. _I wonder where Renji is, should I get up or will I get guided back into my room? I think I'm gonna take the chance._ I got off of my bed and took my panda bear with me and walked to the door, I slowly opened it and peered outside, surprisingly no one was actually outside. I tipped toed out and all the way down the hall to Renji's room; I slowly opened the door and saw him sleeping. I closed the door behind me and went to his bed, I felt like baby for wanting to cuddle up with Renji…but at this point I don't even care. I poked him and watched him slowly move. I pouted and climbed over him and pushed him aside to get comfortable.

"What are you doing?" He mumbled

"Um…you're in my room." I said looking at him trying to keep a straight face.

"No I'm not; your room is purple and this room in dark blue." Renji said as he opened his eyes.

"There is something wrong with your eyes." I said turning away from him.

"You feel any better?" He asked me.

I didn't say anything; I just nodded and kept quiet.

"Are you sure?" He asked me

"Yeah." I said softly.

Renji wrapped his hands around my waist. "Don't do that again…" He said softly. "You scared me…"

I kept quiet and closed my eyes and tried to sleep, but I couldn't. I stared at the window and watched as the rain drops hit the window.

(Character Switch)

I heard the rain pelting the windows and I woke up…normally I'm a heavy sleeper, but it was just so loud. I looked at Namie sleeping next to me, both her arms bandaged up, a bandaged on her left cheek. I sighed and kissed her on the cheek before I got out of the bed and left the room. _It was hard to see her in this condition and not have her talk about what's going on._ _It's scary to think she could easily just leave like that. _

(Character switch)

"Renji?" I said as I sat up in bed. "Hmph…he must have left."

I grabbed my Panda bear and left his room and went back to mine.

"Namie…can we talk?" I heard a voice say, it sent chillers throughout my body, and I looked back and saw Ichigo in Black sweatpants and a white shirt.

"Um…" I looked around and felt nervous. "Um…sure." I said softly.

"You sure?" He asked looking at me.

"Yeah." I said taking a deep breath trying to relax.

I walked down the hall and into what I called my library. I sat down on my purple chair and put my Panda bear on my lap.

"So what do you wanna talk about?" I asked spinning in my chair.

"I'm sorry." He said. "I'm sorry for all of this. For causing you this much pain. For making you cry, for always getting you upset at me. I'm sorry for making you worry. I'm sorry for yelling at you, I'm sorry for everything I did, keeping secrets from you, just everything. You have every right to hate me, and I know I can't change your mind." Ichigo said taking a deep breath afterwards. "I know you probably hate me with every fiber in your being and you have every right and I know my apologies probably don't mean anything. But understand that I still fucking care for you and I will never stop. Every moment I was away from you I wanted to pick up my phone and call, but I couldn't. I was selfish for making such a hasty decision like that and I'm sorry for that!"

Everything he said hit me; I hugged my panda bear tighter. I buried my face in its fur; I didn't know what to say. He's confessing everything to me and I don't know what to say.

"And last night, when Renji called me I was scared. I didn't want this to be the day where I would lose you! I looked everywhere for you and when I finally felt your spirit pressure barely showing I thought that was it. I had to make sure you were going to be alright." Ichigo said as he tightened his fist. "Look I know you're pissed at me and you want me to leave so I'm going to leave. I just wanted you to know my feelings in all this." He got up and walked toward the door.

"Your right, I do hate you! Maybe hate isn't a strong enough word; however I'm glad you know how much you hurt me in your decision. I don't want to see you go. I still…I still…" I trailed off, why can't I say the word… "I missed you being here with me."

That's not what I wanted to say! I wanted to say I still love him, but it didn't come out. Do I still love him?

"I know mending this is going to be hard…but I'm willing to try and make things right between us." Ichigo said looking at me.

I nodded and watched him as he opened the door.

"Thank you for hearing me out." He said before he closed the door.

* * *

Author's Note: Hope you enjoyed, remember to review.


	38. Chapter 37: I want you to stay

The Love & Hate between us

Chapter 37: I want you to stay

I was advised by Orihime to stay home from school for like a week or so, until I'm stable to actually go back to school. However I couldn't be alone, everyone thought if I was alone I would cut myself again, so someone had to stay with me. I begged for Renji to stay with me, but he had to leave back to his hometown for something super important, he tells me he won't be back for a week or so. I wanted Orihime to stay, but she couldn't because with funds from an aunt in far distance, if Orihime missed extended days of school Orihime would get less money in the mail from her aunt. The only person left to watch over me was Ichigo and well, I wasn't too happy about that.

"Sis, I don't want you to go to school. Stay with me please." I begged me.

"I can't Namie, I'm not like you were I can take off days on end and still know what the teachers are talking about. Ichigo will take good care of you." She hugged me tightly before she walked out the door.

"I'm not going to do anything." He said his voice weak.

I let out a sigh and went upstairs; it was odd to be in an empty house with an ex-boyfriend. I went into my room and closed the door. I started to listen to Boyce Avenue, they were the only band that could keep me calm and put me to sleep. But each song kind of felt like a love song, I growled in aggravation and tried to find something else to listen to, but whenever I clicked the next button, another one of their songs showed up.

"UGH!" I shouted.

Within a few minutes Ichigo was in my room, looking at me as if I just fell off the crazy train.

"When I needed a place to hang my heart." The song played.

I tried to click the stop button but it didn't work.

"Need any help?" Ichigo asked concealing a smile

"No!" I growled.

"Why are you upset?" He asked

"I'm not upset just…" I trailed off and shook my head.

"You're just what?" He asked

"I don't even know anymore." I mumbled

"What is this about?" He asked me sitting on my bed.

"Stuff." I said looking out my window; the rain was getting heavier with each passing minute.

"I'm sorry for everything that happened between us. I wish I didn't leave you like I did, for my selfish reasons. I know it's going to be hard to forgive me…but I hope we can try." Ichigo said looking over at me.

"You just don't understand…like how it feels to have you back in my life. When everything seemed to be getting better. It's like a hurricane that comes back to a place it just hit only a day ago. It's painful, and scary." I said looking at him tears in my eyes.

"When 5 letters where enough to prevent this fall." The song was changed to More things to say by Boyce Avenue.

"I know and I'm sorry." Ichigo said as he opened my door to leave.

"Don't go." I said softly as I laid on my bed

Ichigo heard me and entered my room again and sat on bed. He started to rub my back softly; I pushed myself up and looked at Ichigo. I looked to the floor to avert his eyes, but I was too upset to look at him.

"I'm sorry, I know what I did is wrong and I know mending the damage between us is going to be hard but I need you to understand I'm sorry. And I regret that I ever made the mistake of leaving you." Ichigo said to me as gently he lifted my chin with his left hand.

Ichigo leaned in and kissed me softly on the lips, his hand left my chin and slipped around my waist. I felt my cheeks get hot, my heart racing, I part of me wanted to fight it, because Ichigo was the one who was the one who made me cry, made me break down and he wasn't the one to help me get back on my feet, Renji was. Then the other part of me enjoyed his embrace, the comfort we had with each other. My body became tense when I felt his hand slip under my shirt and wander near my bra. I pulled away teasingly and moved away from him to the corner of my bed. He let out a growl and moved closer to me and kissed my lips again. I tried to push him away playful but he caught my hand and put it over his heart. His heart was fast, probably faster then my owner. I blushed and pulled away from Ichigo again teasing him.

"Stop teasing me." He said softly into my ear.

"It's fun." I said softly.

Ichigo smiled and kissed me again, his hands wandering up my shirt again. I pulled away and looked him.

(Character switch)

The look in her eyes, she was unsure about me. She didn't want me to use her, and then leave her again. I cupped her face and kissed her.

"I'm not going to leave you again. I swear." I said softly, tears where in her eyes.

"I don't know if I believe you." She said softly biting her lip.

"Believe me. It's hard to be away from you for so long. I miss you being with me." I said kissing her again. "I won't leave you again and if I do, you can beat me up."

Even though Namie was a small girl, she could really pack a punch when she was angry. Tears left her eyes, I softly wiped them from her face.

"I swear if you leave me, I'll fucking kill you." She said through her tears.

I smiled and nodded. "I'll let you kill me."

I kissed her softly and I felt her given into my touch. I slowly took off her shirt, at first she was unsure about letting me do so but she gave in eventually. I took off the black tang top she was wearing and tossed it aside. She was wearing a black laced bra, I kissed her and watched her face become a light shade of red. I never realized it until she told me, she had almost the same breast size as Orihime.

"You suck." She said softly turning away from me to close the shades of the window. The room was dimly light from the table lamp she has on her night table.

"You look beautiful, you always have." I said kissing her.

Namie sat up and kissed me, she pushed me and took off my shirt. She tossed it aside and kissed me softly on the lips. She moved from my lips to my neck where she softly bit down on my neck. I hugged her tighter to my body, she let out a low gasp as if she was surprised about my reaction. She bit down harder on my neck, I let out a low groan. She pulled away with a small smile on her face. I pinned her down to the bed and kissed her lips and moved down to her chest. I kissed her chest softly and moved to her neck, I kissed her neck softly and started to suck softly. This was one of many weak spots for Namie.

"Ichi." She moaned into my ear, it drove me insane. I sucked a little harder and she moaned my name louder. "Ichi!"

I can't believe I fucked up this relationship, even though she's with me now it will take awhile to heal whatever wounds I made. I sucked harder and I felt her arch her back just a little bit.

"Ichi!" She moan

I bit into her neck and felt her body arch again. I smiled and kissed her lips softly. She glared at me, but just like before there was a spark in her eyes. She sat on my lap and kissed me, I let my hands wander up her back, with a quick movement I took off her bra. She pulled away and covered up her breast.

"Ichigo..." She said as she bit in bottom lip nervous about what is going on.

I looked at her and removed her hands from holding up her bra. I kissed her and took off her bra, she quickly covered herself up. I kissed her again and pinned her to the bed, both her hands pinned besides her head. I kissed her chest and watched as she squirmed under me. She moaned my name and said she hated me. I kissed her lips and started to massage her left breast with my left hand while I started to suck on her nipple. She let out a loud moan and started to fight against my grip. She was strong but I tighten my grip a little more.

(Character switch)

"Ichigo!" I moaned loudly as he started to suck on my nipple. I started to fight against his grip but he tighten his grip. It felt amazing, but I don't know if I'm ready for this. Ichigo was my first crush but then everything happened, making me feel like this would never happen. I felt his suck harder and arched my back as a reaction, it hurt but it felt great. Ichigo came up and kissed me on the lips, I sat up when I felt his grip loosen. I kissed him and went straight for his neck where I bit down hard, he let out a groan and hugged me tighter to his body. I pulled away and felt my face get hot, his hands were hooked on my shorts, hinting if he could take them off.

Ichigo let out a frustrated sigh and backed away. "It's time to take you to my fathers clinic."

I was thrown off guard and felt upset. "WHY?" I snapped

"He wants to see how your doing so far." Ichigo explained.

I growled and got off of Ichigo. I pulled away and pouted. "You owe me." I said with a glare.

Ichigo smiled, took his shirt and left my room.

Author's note: Well...how did that go?


	39. Chapter 38: It's out of control

The Love & Hate between us

Chapter 38: It's out of Control

I got dressed in dark blue jean shorts and short sleeve white shirt, I grabbed a black sweater and put on a my black ballet flats. I left my room and Ichigo was outside my room, arms crossed.

"Long sleeves?" He asked with a confused look.

"Yeah it's cold outside." I shrugged.

"It's 75 degrees out. You don't need a sweater." He said sticking his hand out.

"That's cold." I said defending myself.

"No it's not. I know you want to hide the scars. But your going to pass out." Ichigo said taking the sweater from my hands.

"Can't you just leave it alone?" I asked pulling my sweater from his hands.

"I'm not going to leave it alone, I want you to stop. I know it's going to take awhile but this is the first step." Ichigo said giving my sweater another tug.

Something silver caught the light and fell to the floor, I swallowed hard and tried to look for it's exact location. But it was too late Ichigo found it first and looked at me.

"It's not what it looks like." I said trying to cover everything up.

"Oh so this razor blade? You stopped right? I mean Orihime healed you because you didn't want to see my father. You know if he hears about it he's going to have to contact your aunt and you know how that works don't you?" Ichigo said looking at me with serious concern.

"I know Ichigo! I KNOW!" I yelled, I brushed passed him and went downstairs.

"You obviously don't know! If you did you wouldn't be carrying it!" Ichigo yelled.

I didn't reply, I kept my mouth shut and ignore him. Eventually Ichigo gave up and we left the house without another word, we traveled to his father's clinic and even on the way there, we didn't say a word.

"Hello Namie!" Isshin greeted me with a smile. I gave him a weak smile in return and looked at Ichigo who was still upset. "So...how is everything between you two?" Isshin asked.

"Not so good." I said softly.

"Should we talk about it?" Isshin asked looking at both his son and I.

"No, it's not something to be concerned about." I answered.

"Okay, then I should probably bring my concerned to your bandaged arm." Isshin said taking my left arm into his hands.

"I got into an accident." I answered

"What kind of accident?" He asked examining my arm, about to take off the bandages Orihime put on my arm.

"Don't!" I said retracting my arm from his grip.

"Namie, relax, I just want to check if it's infected." Isshin said looking at me.

"It's not infected." I said defensively. I felt Ichigo move behind me to block any of escape, but I had to try. I pushed Ichigo out of the way and went upstairs to Ichigo's room, I locked the door. It was rude of me to lock the door because it wasn't my house but I was scared.

I heard footsteps follow me, followed by a knock on Ichigo's bedroom door. I sat on his bed in the corner and tried to relax. But my heart kept beating faster, I took my sweater and looked in my pockets only to remember that my blade had came out of my pocket 20 minutes ago. The door opened and in came Ichigo, he closed the door behind him.

"Namie, you mean a lot to me and my father only wants to help. But I can see you don't want him to look at you arm." Ichigo said sitting next to me.

I looked at him and sighed, Ichigo took my hand and pulled me closer, he kissed my lips and told me to relax. He took off the bandages, my heart racing, I looked at all the scars left on my arm, some deep, some shallow, and they were still red. Ichigo got up and went to the door.

"Dad, let me get some cleaning supplies and fresh bandages." Ichigo said.

A few minutes later Ichigo had gotten the supplies and started to clean my arm. The alcohol stung and I felt myself want to clap Ichigo, but I couldn't. The pain subsided and Ichigo put the bandages around my arm.

"Good as new." He said softly kissing me on the lips.

I felt my face get hot, I leaned forward and kissed Ichigo, his hands slipped around my waist, he brought me closer to his body, he kissed me again and slipped his hands under my shirt. I pushed him away and glared at him.

"We are in your house! You know filled with people." I said looking at him.

"So what?" Ichigo smirked.

"This isn't gonna happen. Wait until later." I told him.

Ichigo smiled and kissed me before he got up, I followed him and stuck close behind him.

"Is she doing any better?" Isshin asked

"Ask her yourself." Ichigo said as he moved to the left to uncover me.

I quickly moved to hide me behind Ichigo.

"I'm fine, I promise." I said softly

"Well okay then." Isshin said softly. "Well I guess you can go, if you need anything just call."

"Okay dad." Ichigo said as he dragged me out of his house and into the rain.

"Hey wait the umbrella." I said trying to open the door, Ichigo closed it and pinned me to the wall.

"We don't need it." Ichigo said his voice was deep and it sent chills up my spine. His wet hair in his face as he kissed me roughly. I felt his hands travel up my shirt and to my breast, he started to massage them, I let out a moan that Ichigo quickly covered up when he kissed me. I pushed him away and I heard the most horrifying sound, my shirt ripping at the seams.

"Ichigo!" I yelled.

"You pushed me." He said with a teasing smile.

"So what! You started this!" I yelled

My blue lace bra was now getting soaked, my face became hot when Ichigo leaned in and kissed me.

"My favorite color." He said softly with a sneaky smirk.

"Give me your shirt." I growled.

"Fine." Ichigo teased as he took off his button down black shirt and gave it to me. "Your lucky I had a shirt underneath or I would have let you walk home like that." Ichigo teased.

"No you wouldn't have. You care to much about my body to let me expose myself like that." I teased back.

Ichigo didn't say anything but let a smile show on his face. "Let's go now!" I growled as I started to walk in the rain.

We arrived at my house, Ichigo's phone rang, he picked it up. This was my chance to go upstairs and change my clothes. Ichigo pulled me back and held me in his arms.

"Hey Orihime, what's up?" Ichigo asked. "Oh your gonna be a little late. Don't worry, I'll take care of here. Take your time. Bye." He said hanging up.

"Crap." I mumbled.

"Your mine." Ichigo said as he kissed me on the lips.

I pushed him away playfully and ran upstairs, Ichigo chased after me and caught me halfway upstairs. He pinned me to the wall and kissed me on the lips. I growled and felt his hands go up the black shirt and rip it off my body and he bit his bottom lip.

"Your beautiful." He said softly.

I covered up my chest and glared at him.

"I'm not gonna do anything, not without your permission." He said softly as he kissed me on the lips.

I kissed him back and then pulled away, he growled and kissed my neck, I let out a moan and tried to control myself.

"Ichi! This isn't the place to be doing this." I said as I tried to control my moans.

Ichigo stopped and picked me up without a problem and took me to his room. He laid me down on his bed and kissed me roughly. I wrapped my arms around him, he kissed my chest, his kisses turned into bites. I moaned his name and came down from my high when he sat me down on his lap.

I kissed him on the lips and pulled away from him with a smile, I took off his shirt and kissed his chest, from kisses to butterfly kisses. Ichigo's chest so muscular, I smiled and ran my hands over his chest. His hands went behind my back and took off my bra, he tossed it aside. I blushed and covered my chest. Ichigo kissed me on the lips and removed my hands from my chest and held both of them in one hand. I felt his lips move down to my chest and start to suck on my nipple. I let out a loud moan, my face felt hot. I felt his hand travel down to my shorts. I kept my eyes closed, I refused to look at Ichigo. Ichigo stopped and looked at me.

"I'm sorry. I'm rushing you." ichigo said softly.

I stood quiet and didn't reply, my eyes closed thinking about what has happened over the course of time, how much I went through and how much it has made an impact on my life.

"I'm sorry." I finally said.

"For what?" Ichigo asked

"For not being able to do this." I said as I got up off of his bed.

"Don't be sorry..." ichigo said softly.

"I need to go." I said softly.

I took my bra and put on Ichigo's shirt and left his room without another word. I entered my room and closed the door, locking it behind me, breaking rule number one...don't lock your door. I looked for a razor blade and found one in my dresser in my pack, I guided it toward my wrist, tears rolling down my cheeks, I threw the razor blade across the room and laid in my bed crying.

* * *

Author's Note: review, this was a hard Chapter to write, the end mostly.


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